12, 2017. Merry Tedmas everyone! In the spirit of
the holidays, and just in case you have a collector in your
Secret Santa exchange pool, in this episode we try to Name
5 Things that are Bad Ideas for collectible products. For
example, Warren explains that cereal producers had tried to
make cereal boxes collectible, which is a real thing (https://www.eater.com/2016/2/16/11008926/cereal-box-collections-history).
Oh Ted help us. Anyway, Warren asks us to name five other
things that would be a bad idea to make collectible. I have
a suspicion that some of these things already exist, and that
I shouldn't have flushed them if I wanted to make money on
some mint condition toilet paper. Opportunity squandered!
Let us know what you have failed to collect by email (email@example.com).
Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners
and Ipecac Recordings.
Oct 12, 2017.
This week we open the show uncertain about Carol Burnett's status. Turns out: still funny! Then we try to name five possible sport team names that are strange, yet somehow intimidating. Warren's suggested example is "The Long Starers". We come up with many suggestions, but most of them are perhaps more off-putting than intimidating. Anyway, our discussion naturally leads us to discussing how cereal prevents masturbation. You'll want to stay away from all those sexy, sexy foods, like vinegar, and pickles. PICKLES! So hot…. If you've not yet succumbed to temptation, you can send us an email and describe your favourite strategy for resisting self-abuse (firstname.lastname@example.org). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Jul 6, 2017.
This episode aims not to provoke. Consider yourself warned! We begin with a "How about that?" segment, in which Warren notes that both words tit and boob are palindromes. How about that? We discuss maintaining palindromiety for plurals of palindromes, but it's a bit controversial, and maybe even dangerously close to provocative. To avoid crossing a line, we try to name 5 things that you can stuff into other things to invent a new food item. For a simple example, Warren suggests putting a carrot into a cucumber, to make a (maybe) cucott. Some of the other suggestions are more involved, but perhaps no more provocative (although T-Bone does lose it at one point). If you find the content provokes any kind of response, eat some piroshka to cool off. Then if you're still feeling hot, send us an email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Apr 7, 2017.
In this episode, we bring you a nice relaxing audio bath, because you deserve it. Warren presents Pooh Corner to start us off, by recounting an incident on a small plane in which the toilet contained no sink, but only hand sanitizer. Is this an adequate solution? What if (however it happened), you actually got poop on your hand? Would the sanitizer be sufficient, really? Are your hands food-safe? Does the answer depend on the provision of towels? Or does it depend primarily on your diet (think about it)? What if we could sterilize your hands effectively? Is it better to use the sanitizer or toilet water? Apparently the FDA is alert to the problem, but perhaps the good folks there might want to consider some of our suggestions. If you need any advice on sinkless handwashing, let us know by email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Feb 1, 2017.
Recently the Supreme Court of Canada clarified what constitutes bestiality, and apparently it must involve penetration. But this raises a host of new questions, including the issue of the peanut butter loophole. Are you for or against it? On this week's Nature Walk, we resume our Who's That Bird non-bird edition contest with round 3. Feel free to play along, by trying to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it is trying to communicate, and what a group of the nonbird is called. Fair warning though for the competitive listeners in our audience: our guesses are really close this week, so you might not have much of a shot. If you want to complain about this, send us an email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Dec 13, 2016.
T-Bone brings up a recent episode on Vice featuring FMT: fecal matter transplants. Yup, it's that kind of episode. But before you flee in terror, this is a legitimate topic, honest. Turns out that for a subset of people, FMT is a real life-changer. And some animals (horses, rabbits, and assassin bugs) have their own version of FMT, but it usually involves eating instead of enemas. Is your neighbor giving you top-quality material? Whatever your situation, we hope you celebrate your microbiome these holidays, and that the new year brings you hardly any dry mornings, whatever the condition of your gut flora. To complain about this episode, email us (firstname.lastname@example.org)! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Nov 2, 2016.
Have you had enough of the Mongolians? I bet you haven't, and we're here to help. We start this week's episode with some technical insight into sound production for Bollywood films. It turns out that Bollywood is doing some things regarding audio recording inefficiently, and losing ambience and texture in sounds as it does it. Revoicing and resinging is expensive and time-consuming, you see, so even if you do need to get rid of the sound of animals in the throes of death, you might look into recording in a quiet location. (We briefly get sidetracked by ewoks and cricket, but soon return to the core topic thanks to an audio intervention that we're too lazy and cheap to overdub.) Anyway, in an effort to help out the entire film industry in India, we come up with a winning solution: do some recording in Mongolia, assuming you can get some good directions. If you work in Bollywood and want to thank us for this suggestion, send us an email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Sep 16, 2016.
We begin this week by discussing the many sporting achievements of famous Mongolians. By many, we mean really 3, which is not to insult Mongolia but rather to reflect our quickly performed poor research on a Wikipedia page, which, incidentally, actually only named 2/3 of the athletes we discuss. Then most of the episode is devoted to another edition of Foody Goody, in which we continue our ongoing (and of indeterminate length) contest, "What am I eating and drinking and toasting?" This week John plays the moderator, and fulfills his role with the expected amount of surliness (provided I know what the word surliness means, which I'm not sure of as I write this description). If you're a craft spirit entrepreneur, we have a million-dollar idea for you! Contact us by email (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you decide to brew a batch, and we'll gladly do some free promo on our show! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Jun 16, 2016.
After an unexpected but somehow still predictable delay, welcome to Season 11! Wow. We start with Foody Goody, but trust me, you won't want to be eating yourself while you listen. At least not at the start. Yuck. Anyway, feel free to skip ahead to 02:40, and you'll hear us conduct round 3 of "What am I eating and what am I drinking and toasting to?" This time, T-Bone will do the eating and drinking and toasting. Play along! See if you can understand why gum is like a popsicle, because one of them has a stick. If you want to explain the grammatical rules for describing Jesus's belongings, send us an email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Apr 1, 2016.
While adjusting T-Bone's audio, we accidentally start to consider the many ways in which humans like donuts. You may be surprised to hear some of them! Inevitably, that discussion leads us to flatworms, of course. If you're not aware of hypodermic insemination, or haven't thought about how it might affect a lonely worm, you are in for a real treat. And, in a strange departure from most of our content, some of the material we bring up is actually pretty close to true. You can probably figure it out on your own, but if necessary, do a Google Images search for pointy wieners for help. Top tip: under no circumstances should you actually follow the advice in the previous sentence. To complain about the retinal scarring you may have suffered if you didn't heed the warning above, send us an email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Feb 9, 2016.
After another transparent attempt at generating internet traffic, Warren explains his admiration for the Coors shotgun can, which persists in spite of his dislike for the beer itself. Find out how Warren does physiotherapy on himself to get ready for hockey, and the danger with three syllable words. You never know what's gonna happen! At least sometimes. Anyway, without much by way of transitional material, we somehow move on to the weirdness of Penn and Jillette's names. Are you mononymous? If so, don't be anonymous! Let us know your mononym by sending us an email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Dec 18, 2015.
In this special Tedmas edition of Foody Goody, this year we establish the "burger" as "traditional holiday food". But how do we define a burger? If you think this is straightforward, you haven't thought about it enough. Does it need toppings? What are acceptable patty constituents? What shape should the patty take? Hot? Cold? Cooking method? So many problems! Never fear, though, T-bone comes up with an elegant solution for you after we whip up so many questions – consider it a Tedmas gift, from us to you. Send us your Tedmas message by email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Spam is welcome, but not Spoose. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Nov 24, 2015.
Welcome to another edition of Inventions and Shit! John starts the segment with a suggestion for a new food product based on a geometry pun, and that somehow leads us to the pedagogical consequences of improper mathematical terms by fast food franchises. Obviously. The we resume our contest “Who's that bird?” contest (non-bird edition) with round two. As always, we encourage you to play along. See if you can discern what the non-bird looks like, is doing, and what you should call its group. If you prefer not to play along, there's another reason to listen: a first ever result for one of our contests. Plus a lot of groaning. Send us feedback or suggestions by email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Oct 16, 2015.
We present for your consideration a new social problem: Warren was reaching for a food item from the top shelf at the grocery store, and some guy on a mobility scooter offered to help him reach. How do you think Warren handled this? Yup, you're right. It was awkward for a number of reasons that have to do with both the situation and Warren's reaction to it. This leads us naturally into a Name Five Things segment: what are other similar situations where someone disadvantaged offers to help you and it's either a sign of how shit you are at something or it makes you uncomfortable in some other way? If you can add to our list, let us know by email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Sep 2, 2015.
We had some technical difficulties this week, which required Luc to type most of his contributions (but the laughing seems to work, most of the time). See if you can tell the difference, huh? In the episode, we start a new contest: Who's That Bird? (Non Bird Edition). Warren awards three points per round: one point for describing the non-bird's appearance, another point for identifying what the non-bird is trying to convey by making the sound, and a third point for naming the collective noun that describes a group of the non-birds, such as a murder of crows or a gaggle of geese (but note that both geese and crows are actually birds, and therefore ineligible for this contest segment). As usual, you should play along and keep score for yourself against our guesses, but we're using the honour system, so we assume that none of you deserve any points. If you're a Sphingidologist and wish to protest this grossly unfair scoring system, contact us by email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Jul 22, 2015.
We start out this episode with great difficulty refining the title, but we get there eventually... sort of. Then we ponder what would happen if everybody lost the ability or capability to hiccup. This leads to an interesting discussion about drinking water upside, thumps, and horse magazines. And we also get side-tracked by famous Italian cartoon star, Mr. Hiccup - although he should probably be called Mr. Singhiozzo. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you think the hiccup extinction has already begun. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Jun 26, 2015.
In this episode's Nature Walk (with a dramatic echo), Warren describes a recent study of cockroaches (cool!) in which the studied shelter choice in cockroaches. (Ame et al., 2006, PNAS) Thanks for the science, folks! In their study, the authors released 50 cockroaches into a cage containing three enclosures that could contain 40 cockroaches each. The cockroaches split evenly to occupy two of the three shelters (25 in each shelter). When the shelters were enlarged to accommodate more than fifty, all the cockroaches moved into a single shelter (after some consultation and probing). Neat! Obviously this has big implications for collective decision making, but honestly we don't talk about those much. If you have suggestions for new B-movie screenplays involving giant insects, send them to us by email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
May 7, 2015.
Are you ready for a pineapple show? Well, if not, don't worry. This whole show is designed to get you ready for the pineapple show, I guess. Somehow we start the hype by talking about our guest DJ, Jacco Macacco. If you haven't yet heard about Jacco, you're in for a (somewhat horrifying) treat! The late 1790s were apparently full of spectacles that far surpass anything in modern sport, provided you're not averse to unnecessarily inhumane fuckery. Poor Jacco, and poor Puss! If you're not totally depressed by poor Jacco's story to continue, we move on to promote (sort of) Faith No More's upcoming album. Warren has a nice suggestion for making their music radio friendly, which involves Samuel L. Jackson and, obviously, monkeys. Let us know how excited you are about the new album, the Snakes on the Plane, or the Pineapple Show! Contact us by email (firstname.lastname@example.org). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.
Apr 1, 2015.
In this week's edition of Name 5 Things, we try to name five phobias that are probably too specific to be an actual concern. For example, the fear of peeing your pants in a colour other than yellow while being covered from head to toe in processed cheese. Turns out the processed cheese bit is essential to making this particular phobia too specific no matter what kind of pants you are wearing. Anyway, we discover that one way to make a phobia more specific is to add a locational qualifier. But if you get too specific than there's a risk Warren will disqualify the suggestion, because he is a dick. If you have any of the fears we discussed, especially if you live in Borneo (I'm thinking of you, President Widodo), please let us know via email (email@example.com). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.