Segments

We discuss words and language usage. Sometimes we invent words to describe as-yet-unnamed phenomena, and other times we question current usage. Never fear, none of our discussions involve actually knowing anything about how words ought to be used, and none of our newly minted words are likely to ever gain status in popular culture.

How would you explain certain human activities to an extra-terrestrial visitor? No need to be anxious – just let us do all the thinking for you. If it leads to Earth’s annihilation, you’ll know whom to blame. We discuss Santa Claus to aliens in episode Merry Tedmas.

Food and food-related discussion. We provide tips on food preparation and speculate on what new confections might be tasty or not-so-tasty additions to your cookbook, although we have almost certainly never tried to prepare said suggestions ourselves. Hear us discuss the difference between muffins and cupcakes in episode Muffcake.

In this segment we ponder items that the modern world has provided us, rating existing technology according to its utility and humourousness, and sometimes suggesting items not yet invented which might be useful innovations. If any of our ideas become marketable and generate any amount of money, we will be incredibly surprised and ask for 20% of the profit in royalties.

Our most popular segment, "Nature Walk", is a romp through the wild. We speculate on all outdoorsy matters, from animal behaviour to natural disasters. Grab your purse and join us, and you'll be sure to enjoy this enlightening promenade. Skipping is encouraged.

Ever wonder at the hidden meaning behind euphemisms? Well wonder a little longer! We attempt to devise the meanings behind familiar and new euphemistic expressions, but our guesses are likely to be so offensive that the euphemizer would be better off talking straight. We attempt to weaken the far-too-nasty euphemism "the chili dog" in episode What Does Your Dog Taste Like?

In this appropriately titled segment, we take on the big issues. We have decided that, as global citizens, we need to do our part to resolve the most important problems facing the world today. With our collective brainpower focussed on these issues, no problem is too complex, too difficult, or too bizarre for a lengthy discussion that probably completely misrepresents the facts. We can't be sure of our level of misrepresentation though, because we're too lazy to check.

We read and discuss mail sent in by you, our devoted listener(s). If you want to participate in this segment, please email us: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Hear us discuss an email we received from author Louie Lawent in episode Interviews with Toast.

Feel the rush of adrenaline – this is our fast-paced (well…paced, anyway) wrap-up of current and topical sports news! Not quite guaranteed to provide the most insight of any sports team, but sure to present unusual perspectives on your favourite players, teams, and games.

Our commentary and suggestions on the perpetual battle between good and evil, or at least the subsection of that battle that involves freakish mutants in tights. We invariably determine which superheroes pass the litmus test of superdom, the ultimate gauge of might: the probability of defeating a gorilla (or girl) throwing fecal projectiles.

If Nature Walk is our most popular segment, the Urban Legend is gaining fast. The segment usually develops as follows: One of us (typically Warren) advances a ridiculous hypothesis or story. The others are sceptical and call him a jackass. Warren insists the story is true. The end. If this doesn’t sound entertaining, even compared to the rest of the segments, you’re expecting way too much. For some examples, visit our Urban Legends page.

In today’s worrisome world, one can never get enough advice on how best to stay fit and healthy. If you’re considering following any of our advice, please first visit our website and consider the incredible state of our own physiques. Then you’ll know what to make of our suggestions.