Podcasts

Oct 22, 2024. Welcome to welcome to the apolocalypse! It contains a potentially new segment called, "Am I wrong about this?" When faced with a Zombie apocalypse, shouldn't you aim for the achilles, or at least the leg? Maybe as a weapon-in-the-head lodging problem-avoidance. (SPOILER ALERT: we might give away a plot element from the first few minutes of pick whichever zombie franchise.) Or, how about many cans of expandable foam? With proper preparation, this could be a winning tactic. If you think your strategy for defeating the next plague of undead is better than some slow-moving farm equipment, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 3, 2024. We are not the first podcast. OK? We start in Pooh Corner. Assume that half the world's population are going to disappear somehow. How could we adjust this event to make it as happy as possible? We should try to see such things in a positive light, after all. In case you are a magician or have an infinite glove or something similar, consider our advice. For example: we randomly alternate who is disappeared every day. There are implications, but we work out some of the logistics, including catering for parties. It's all really fucked up. Thanks Warren! If you're a mime and want to defend your existence, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 28, 2024. We start after a long hiatus with an Urban Legend: sneezing while on the toilet increases poop removal volume by 30-60%, which can decrease the risk of bum and poop cancers. Aren't you glad you know this now? It's all about timing! We discuss what coarseness of pepper is best for provoking a bowel clearing sneeze. But what if you poop too much? Then we discover that Bing can manufacture a superficially impressive description of a hypothetical Limited Appeal podcast in the same style as your scribe (ahem), but with a tiny amount of the effort. Turns out that Bing's topic, title, and description were actually formulaic and quite poor. Some offense. Feel free to write us, Bing, and contest our assessment of your work (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 26, 2024. We hope you will enjoy listening to this episode! Back in the day, I guess. Nope, that doesn't really work, does it? T-Bone heard somewhere that birds can regenerate damaged hearing. It's not clear if we're talking about birds from rock concerts or those near other loud birds. But whatever the cause, it's quite cool they might give us clues for regenerative human hearing! Whether this leads to infinite numbers of heads remains unclear. If you think there's a topological difference between a water cup and a flatworm, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 10, 2023. We have a new contest! This is "Who's That Bird: Celebrity Edition", in which Warren will play the sound of a celebrity and the rest of us need to guess who it is. The celebrity is probably not a bird, and may not even be making bird noises, but you'll have to listen to be sure. Warren patiently explains this multiple times, and even so we're not very sure how this works. Spoiler alert: do you know your celebrity entomologists? Or is this a clever diversion to throw you off the piste? Ha! Haha. If you are Hoss and have started listening again after a few years, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 14, 2023. In part 2 of our name 5 things series, we make slightly more progress in finding possible animal opponents that a human might be able to take on in a fight, assuming the opponent is human-sized. As noted in part 1, the question is fraught with complexity. You have to fight the organism in its own habitat, but you may be allowed time to put on boots. Despite these constraints, we do come up with a short list of candidates. Without basking too much in this achievement, we then move on to consider which animal might win the battle royale of human-sized animals. Here again, there is some unexpected complexity to unpack, including the context-specific nature of fighting ability depending on one's opponent. We consider the importance of keeping your mouth closed, exploiting your hooves, protecting your neck, and discounting your horns. If you have any suggestions for contestants we have ignored, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 28, 2023. After a whole episode of buildup (see Holy Straw, Batman), Warren finally gets the chance to introduce his new topic: name 5 animals, that if they were human-sized, you think you could take them. The rules of this strange fight club have you fighting in the organism's own habitat, so there are no freebies against whales even if you have three pillows and two buddies. We spend a lot of time considering the potential weakness of a long neck, and whether and how that might be counterbalanced by a good knockout punch. We also discuss the virtues of roundedness and beaklessness, and the futility of weapons design for ungulates. But we may not have come up with 5 satisfying exemplars, so there may be a part 2 someday. If you want to make any suggestions for that unlikely second chapter, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 6, 2022. Warren has a perfect comeback topic to get back into the swing of things after a long hiatus, but first a warm-up question: how many holes does a straw have? Are you sure? What about a donut? What about a person? As usual – wait, can we say as usual when we record every year or so? Yeah, whatever, as usual, we do a bit of rambling while counting holes, and our conversation veers through considerations of semantics, anatomy, topology, cloacas, and explosive hydrostatic penises. If you want to opine on the proper criteria for a comparative biology pee and poo contest, or want to complain about the fact that we never actually get around to Warren's perfect question, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 8, 2022. Ballpark Talk is back, due to its overwhelming previous success! Snorkelling vs. being a peeping tom. Same ballpark? Perspective matters here: who is peeping on whom? Warren makes a compelling case that some situations involve teammates. It probably makes sense, maybe? I don't know. We somehow end up discussing whether curtains should maybe be on the outside of the house. Is it defensible to be a shy snorkeler? How about at a public pool? Let us know what you think about underwater viewing in any context by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 9, 2021. Normally, podcasts will edit out the part of a recording where the hosts decide what to do. But we roll a different way from normal podcasts, so you get a short and not terribly interesting behind-the-scenes look at Warren introducing the possibilities. Anyway, we start a new version of the 'Who's that bird?' contest, but in this case Warren will name a bird and describe it, and its circumstances, and the rest of us need to attempt to produce the sound that Warren is describing. Warren will then subjectively (or by consensus) judge whose bird call is closest to the real one. You can play along at home, but since we can't hear you, you can't win. You'll have to judge for yourself whether your call is close to the mark. If you want to send us your call, you can do that, I suppose. Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 18, 2021. We accidentally create a new segment to start this episode because we got caught up in whether our DJ was dead or his estate needed to spin the tunes. What is an estate? Do you need to have anything? What if you're dead? Does real estate imply you have an estate? What if the teddybear you get buried with was bequeathed to someone else? What if none of this is interesting to anyone at all? Hmph. On a related note, if someone says your singing voice is very distinctive, is that a compliment? How would you note sarcasm in your written compliment, if you wanted to? Or if you were quoting someone else's sarcastic comment? And wanted to do so sarcastically? How BM£ interesting. Finally, how many chests does a centaur have? We discuss the internal anatomical implications of having an extra chest, and it's as $%^ fascinating as you might expect? If you want to engage with us about any of this for some reason, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 4, 2021..We have a new segment, called "Ballpark Talk", in which the premise is to decide whether two things are in the same ballpark or different ones. Today's inaugural topic: cannibalism versus eating a pet. As usual, we explore many of the philosophical nuances here. What if it's a pet you know, versus a person you don't? What if the person died accidentally and humourously in a food preparation context? What if it's a person who is a pet? Does the relative deliciousness matter? We do not want to hear from anyone who has actually considered eating a person. Anyone else, though, can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 30, 2021..This podcast was a rare occasion when most of us were in the same room. This means that the audio is generally exquisite since we are using T-Bone's studio, but also somewhat annoying because Warren insists on giving listeners cues of our eating and drinking. Do judges have their own gavels, or is one provided in the courtroom? What if someone breaks the gavel, is there a spare? John is on hand to answer, even though he insists he hasn't spent much time in a courtroom. You be the judge of what he knows about judges. Get it? If you are a judge, or a gavel equipment manager, and want to set the record straight, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 22, 2020..An oft-discussed but not previously resolved question: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? We settle the matter, I guess, provided you don't care very much about the matter in the first place. Turns out the whole question turns on the secret, possibly offscreen shenanigans between Bruce and the security guard. If you can read between the scenes to imagine some help-shtooping, then you have yourself a holiday classic. Take that, Julie Andrews! Our handy rule turns out to illuminate the question for many other Christmas movie candidates, although the degree to which off-screen activity is implied is sometimes controversial. Screenwriters of the future, take note: make sure that you explicitly clarify the off or on screen antics involving the help if you want to be included in the holiday rotation. If you need help with how to write about expressly boning, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 2, 2020..Welcome back! Have you washed your hands? Either way, keep your soggy end out of the dip. Warren asks whether Timmy was right in suggesting that George from Seinfeld put his whole mouth in the tip. Remember the before-time, when this might have been a question? It's hard to imagine now, but at one stage it was somewhat defensible to dip near someone else, and maybe even do so twice, depending on rotation and the number of chip protuberances. If you know can clarify the benefits of tube-shaped chips, or know which of our episodes contains a discussion of aphid honeydew, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 31, 2020..The coronavirus lockdown worldwide has everyone adjusting to a new reality, including us. There are a lot of pressing issues, and we're not qualified to talk about any of those, so we thought we would solve some less-pressing problems. We start somewhat mysteriously with T-Bone mentioning how he recently entertained some higher-ups for a super-secret contract (details have been censored to protect T-Bones client from the defamation that would otherwise arise). Warren suggested he should have taken them to The Granary, a fairly niche restaurant from our hometown that can no longer have a salad wagon for virus reasons. Given the worldwide COVID-19 crisis, we consider several possible innovations to permit what was formerly conveyed via wagons of greens, food delivery, knob-polishing, dog walking, graduation parties, etc. If you have suggestions for finding private chew-stick time under lockdown, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 19, 2019..For this episode, we revisit Inventions and Shit, our segment in which we present ideas of new inventions for free (mostly) in case any venture capitalists are listening. Warren's latest idea is a toilet water warmer, which, you may have guessed, warms the water in your toilet. There are several major benefits (or perhaps problems) depending on your anatomy, digestive physiology, and temperature preference. And maybe the country of origin of your dog. If you are a robot (preferably not a racist or masturbating one) and wish to license our idea (please don't) you can contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 20, 2019..Having been stuck on Season 11 for a while, we skipped 12 and went straight to 13. Bad luck be damned! By the way, have you been eating salami wrong? Quite possibly. Anyway, this episode marks a return to our contest feature Nature Walk, Who's That Bird Non-Bird Edition, Round 5. How dramatic! For this contest, we have to listen to an audio clip of a nonbird, describe the nonbird or name it, describe what the nonbird is thinking, or what it is trying to achieve with the sound, and then provide a collective noun for the animal. Play along at home, though you'll be hard pressed to match the amateur natural history insights we muster. If you need any more nostril-based trivia, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 8, 2019..I was going to write about Warren's introduction of a topic, and I guess I have. SPOILER ALERT: Warren mentions more than one thing not particularly central to the latest Predator movie that had (until our discussion) seemed unbelievable, but we resolve that for him. Then, for our segment "How About That?", Warren bring up the Pepto Bismol and Nyquil donut range for the Voodoo Donut shop in Oregon, not to mention the Cock and Balls donut. Somehow their range is not as variable as it could be, especially if they had listened to some earlier suggestions from Limited Appeal. I was going to look up the exact episodes and refer to them, but I guess I have not. If you have any questions besides which episodes those are, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 29, 2018..This episode starts with a Nature Walk, featuring Who's That Bird, non-bird edition, possibly round 4. T-Bone's dog previous success has him well ahead, maybe. Warren plays the sound of a nonbird, and each of us has to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it's trying to communicate, and provide the collective term for it. We each take a guess, which is as non-illuminating as usual. However, the correct answer sets off a real flood of interest in the water economy of the animals in question. Trust me, this is weirder and more interesting than it sounds, provided it doesn't sound very interesting to you. If you have any experience with unconventional sources of water, send us an email to tell us about it (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 15, 2018..This episode, Warren describes a situation in his work bathrooms that has been troubling him: one day the overseers at Warren's office replaced the paper towels with air dryers. However, some people must have complained, because at some point someone added a box containing so-called "door tissues". This way, people who had previously used paper towels to open the door had an extra paper towel that they could use to open the door after air drying their hands. Then the problem became what to do with the door tissues, so the management installed a garbage can outside the toilets marked "Door tissues only!" Then someone ripped down the door tissue box, so there was still a garbage can but no door tissues. We discuss the complex series of pointless events for far longer than you might imagine. I was really annoyed by this story when Warren told it and writing it down again has infuriated me again.Believe it or not, the first half, infuriating as it is, is outmatched by the conversation on homophones that follows. Arrrghhh!!! If you justifiably want to complain about how painful this episode was, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 9, 2018..This episode involves a Nature Walk contest, "Who's That Non-Bird: Killer Edition". (We'll save the killer birds for another day.) The contest question is this: which non-birds are responsible for the most human deaths in the world per year? Warren asks the rest of us to guess the top 11. Here's a little foreshadowing: Warren will cite some stats for non-animal causes of death for contrast, and John will contest them furiously. This contest is only one episode, but it's still surprisingly long, or at least it feels that way... If you want to correct any of Warren's statistics, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 12, 2017..Merry Tedmas everyone! In the spirit of the holidays, and just in case you have a collector in your Secret Santa exchange pool, in this episode we try to Name 5 Things that are Bad Ideas for collectible products. For example, Warren explains that cereal producers had tried to make cereal boxes collectible, which is a real thing (https://www.eater.com/2016/2/16/11008926/cereal-box-collections-history). Oh Ted help us. Anyway, Warren asks us to name five other things that would be a bad idea to make collectible. I have a suspicion that some of these things already exist, and that I shouldn't have flushed them if I wanted to make money on some mint condition toilet paper. Opportunity squandered! Let us know what you have failed to collect by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 12, 2017..This week we open the show uncertain about Carol Burnett's status. Turns out: still funny! Then we try to name five possible sport team names that are strange, yet somehow intimidating. Warren's suggested example is "The Long Starers". We come up with many suggestions, but most of them are perhaps more off-putting than intimidating. Anyway, our discussion naturally leads us to discussing how cereal prevents masturbation. You'll want to stay away from all those sexy, sexy foods, like vinegar, and pickles. PICKLES! So hot…. If you've not yet succumbed to temptation, you can send us an email and describe your favourite strategy for resisting self-abuse (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 6, 2017..This episode aims not to provoke. Consider yourself warned! We begin with a "How about that?" segment, in which Warren notes that both words tit and boob are palindromes. How about that? We discuss maintaining palindromiety for plurals of palindromes, but it's a bit controversial, and maybe even dangerously close to provocative. To avoid crossing a line, we try to name 5 things that you can stuff into other things to invent a new food item. For a simple example, Warren suggests putting a carrot into a cucumber, to make a (maybe) cucott. Some of the other suggestions are more involved, but perhaps no more provocative (although T-Bone does lose it at one point). If you find the content provokes any kind of response, eat some piroshka to cool off. Then if you're still feeling hot, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 7, 2017..In this episode, we bring you a nice relaxing audio bath, because you deserve it. Warren presents Pooh Corner to start us off, by recounting an incident on a small plane in which the toilet contained no sink, but only hand sanitizer. Is this an adequate solution? What if (however it happened), you actually got poop on your hand? Would the sanitizer be sufficient, really? Are your hands food-safe? Does the answer depend on the provision of towels? Or does it depend primarily on your diet (think about it)? What if we could sterilize your hands effectively? Is it better to use the sanitizer or toilet water? Apparently the FDA is alert to the problem, but perhaps the good folks there might want to consider some of our suggestions. If you need any advice on sinkless handwashing, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 1, 2017..Recently the Supreme Court of Canada clarified what constitutes bestiality, and apparently it must involve penetration. But this raises a host of new questions, including the issue of the peanut butter loophole. Are you for or against it? On this week's Nature Walk, we resume our Who's That Bird non-bird edition contest with round 3. Feel free to play along, by trying to guess what the nonbird looks like, what it is trying to communicate, and what a group of the nonbird is called. Fair warning though for the competitive listeners in our audience: our guesses are really close this week, so you might not have much of a shot. If you want to complain about this, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 13, 2016..T-Bone brings up a recent episode on Vice featuring FMT: fecal matter transplants. Yup, it's that kind of episode. But before you flee in terror, this is a legitimate topic, honest. Turns out that for a subset of people, FMT is a real life-changer. And some animals (horses, rabbits, and assassin bugs) have their own version of FMT, but it usually involves eating instead of enemas. Is your neighbor giving you top-quality material? Whatever your situation, we hope you celebrate your microbiome these holidays, and that the new year brings you hardly any dry mornings, whatever the condition of your gut flora. To complain about this episode, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 2, 2016..Have you had enough of the Mongolians? I bet you haven't, and we're here to help. We start this week's episode with some technical insight into sound production for Bollywood films. It turns out that Bollywood is doing some things regarding audio recording inefficiently, and losing ambience and texture in sounds as it does it. Revoicing and resinging is expensive and time-consuming, you see, so even if you do need to get rid of the sound of animals in the throes of death, you might look into recording in a quiet location. (We briefly get sidetracked by ewoks and cricket, but soon return to the core topic thanks to an audio intervention that we're too lazy and cheap to overdub.) Anyway, in an effort to help out the entire film industry in India, we come up with a winning solution: do some recording in Mongolia, assuming you can get some good directions. If you work in Bollywood and want to thank us for this suggestion, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 16, 2016..We begin this week by discussing the many sporting achievements of famous Mongolians. By many, we mean really 3, which is not to insult Mongolia but rather to reflect our quickly performed poor research on a Wikipedia page, which, incidentally, actually only named 2/3 of the athletes we discuss. Then most of the episode is devoted to another edition of Foody Goody, in which we continue our ongoing (and of indeterminate length) contest, "What am I eating and drinking and toasting?" This week John plays the moderator, and fulfills his role with the expected amount of surliness (provided I know what the word surliness means, which I'm not sure of as I write this description). If you're a craft spirit entrepreneur, we have a million-dollar idea for you! Contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if you decide to brew a batch, and we'll gladly do some free promo on our show! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 16, 2016..After an unexpected but somehow still predictable delay, welcome to Season 11! Wow. We start with Foody Goody, but trust me, you won't want to be eating yourself while you listen. At least not at the start. Yuck. Anyway, feel free to skip ahead to 02:40, and you'll hear us conduct round 3 of "What am I eating and what am I drinking and toasting to?" This time, T-Bone will do the eating and drinking and toasting. Play along! See if you can understand why gum is like a popsicle, because one of them has a stick. If you want to explain the grammatical rules for describing Jesus's belongings, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 1, 2016..While adjusting T-Bone's audio, we accidentally start to consider the many ways in which humans like donuts. You may be surprised to hear some of them! Inevitably, that discussion leads us to flatworms, of course. If you're not aware of hypodermic insemination, or haven't thought about how it might affect a lonely worm, you are in for a real treat. And, in a strange departure from most of our content, some of the material we bring up is actually pretty close to true. You can probably figure it out on your own, but if necessary, do a Google Images search for pointy wieners for help. Top tip: under no circumstances should you actually follow the advice in the previous sentence. To complain about the retinal scarring you may have suffered if you didn't heed the warning above, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 9, 2016..After another transparent attempt at generating internet traffic, Warren explains his admiration for the Coors shotgun can, which persists in spite of his dislike for the beer itself. Find out how Warren does physiotherapy on himself to get ready for hockey, and the danger with three syllable words. You never know what's gonna happen! At least sometimes. Anyway, without much by way of transitional material, we somehow move on to the weirdness of Penn and Jillette's names. Are you mononymous? If so, don't be anonymous! Let us know your mononym by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 18, 2015..In this special Tedmas edition of Foody Goody, this year we establish the "burger" as "traditional holiday food". But how do we define a burger? If you think this is straightforward, you haven't thought about it enough. Does it need toppings? What are acceptable patty constituents? What shape should the patty take? Hot? Cold? Cooking method? So many problems! Never fear, though, T-bone comes up with an elegant solution for you after we whip up so many questions – consider it a Tedmas gift, from us to you. Send us your Tedmas message by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Spam is welcome, but not Spoose. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 24, 2015..Welcome to another edition of Inventions and Shit! John starts the segment with a suggestion for a new food product based on a geometry pun, and that somehow leads us to the pedagogical consequences of improper mathematical terms by fast food franchises. Obviously. The we resume our contest “Who's that bird?” contest (non-bird edition) with round two. As always, we encourage you to play along. See if you can discern what the non-bird looks like, is doing, and what you should call its group. If you prefer not to play along, there's another reason to listen: a first ever result for one of our contests. Plus a lot of groaning. Send us feedback or suggestions by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 16, 2015..We present for your consideration a new social problem: Warren was reaching for a food item from the top shelf at the grocery store, and some guy on a mobility scooter offered to help him reach. How do you think Warren handled this? Yup, you're right. It was awkward for a number of reasons that have to do with both the situation and Warren's reaction to it. This leads us naturally into a Name Five Things segment: what are other similar situations where someone disadvantaged offers to help you and it's either a sign of how shit you are at something or it makes you uncomfortable in some other way? If you can add to our list, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 2, 2015..We had some technical difficulties this week, which required Luc to type most of his contributions (but the laughing seems to work, most of the time). See if you can tell the difference, huh? In the episode, we start a new contest: Who's That Bird? (Non Bird Edition). Warren awards three points per round: one point for describing the non-bird's appearance, another point for identifying what the non-bird is trying to convey by making the sound, and a third point for naming the collective noun that describes a group of the non-birds, such as a murder of crows or a gaggle of geese (but note that both geese and crows are actually birds, and therefore ineligible for this contest segment). As usual, you should play along and keep score for yourself against our guesses, but we're using the honour system, so we assume that none of you deserve any points. If you're a Sphingidologist and wish to protest this grossly unfair scoring system, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 22, 2015..We start out this episode with great difficulty refining the title, but we get there eventually... sort of. Then we ponder what would happen if everybody lost the ability or capability to hiccup. This leads to an interesting discussion about drinking water upside, thumps, and horse magazines. And we also get side-tracked by famous Italian cartoon star, Mr. Hiccup - although he should probably be called Mr. Singhiozzo. Email us at maskedman@limitedappeal.net if you think the hiccup extinction has already begun. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 26, 2015..In this episode's Nature Walk (with a dramatic echo), Warren describes a recent study of cockroaches (cool!) in which the studied shelter choice in cockroaches. (Ame et al., 2006, PNAS) Thanks for the science, folks! In their study, the authors released 50 cockroaches into a cage containing three enclosures that could contain 40 cockroaches each. The cockroaches split evenly to occupy two of the three shelters (25 in each shelter). When the shelters were enlarged to accommodate more than fifty, all the cockroaches moved into a single shelter (after some consultation and probing). Neat! Obviously this has big implications for collective decision making, but honestly we don't talk about those much. If you have suggestions for new B-movie screenplays involving giant insects, send them to us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 7, 2015..Are you ready for a pineapple show? Well, if not, don't worry. This whole show is designed to get you ready for the pineapple show, I guess. Somehow we start the hype by talking about our guest DJ, Jacco Macacco. If you haven't yet heard about Jacco, you're in for a (somewhat horrifying) treat! The late 1790s were apparently full of spectacles that far surpass anything in modern sport, provided you're not averse to unnecessarily inhumane fuckery. Poor Jacco, and poor Puss! If you're not totally depressed by poor Jacco's story to continue, we move on to promote (sort of) Faith No More's upcoming album. Warren has a nice suggestion for making their music radio friendly, which involves Samuel L. Jackson and, obviously, monkeys. Let us know how excited you are about the new album, the Snakes on the Plane, or the Pineapple Show! Contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 1, 2015..In this week's edition of Name 5 Things, we try to name five phobias that are probably too specific to be an actual concern. For example, the fear of peeing your pants in a colour other than yellow while being covered from head to toe in processed cheese. Turns out the processed cheese bit is essential to making this particular phobia too specific no matter what kind of pants you are wearing. Anyway, we discover that one way to make a phobia more specific is to add a locational qualifier. But if you get too specific than there's a risk Warren will disqualify the suggestion, because he is a dick. If you have any of the fears we discussed, especially if you live in Borneo (I'm thinking of you, President Widodo), please let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 3, 2015..This show is an extended episode of Urban Legend: did you know that in the middle ages, it was fashionable to serve a gelatin dessert made from the party host's nail clippings, which would impart a flavour of the host to the guests? Well, it's apparently upsettingly true, even if the details of preparing this kind of specialty have been lost to time. We spend a lot of time considering how long a guy would have to collect his trimmings to host a party, and this musing leads to an unfortunately horrifying dose of Google Images. I implore you: resist the urge to verify how horrifying this particular topic can be in image form. It's as horrifying as the audio, but more. Ugh. If you know any recipes for preparing gelatin from trimmings, send them to us (sans images) by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 16, 2015..We kick off the new year with an Urban Legend: did you know that before every game, famous Canadian basketballer Steve Nash watches the final game in the movie Teen Wolf for inspiration? He also has a fondness for fat basketball players (attribution: see the movie), and would like to change his team name. And he likes passing. Without much by way of transitional material, at some stage, Warren suggests an email innovation for the postal service, which is either genius or ridiculous. You pick! If you own a postal service and want to adopt Warren's suggestions, contact us to arrange one of our easy-to-choose payment schemes (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 17, 2014..Merry Tedmas, everyone! After a long hiatus, in honour of the season we return to the Superhero's Phone Booth for a special festive Tedmas session. The superhero is… Candy Cane Boy! He runs around poking people with his magical candy cane, and anyone he pokes who has been naughty instantly disintegrates into a snowy white powder (not sugar, just burned human). Candy Cane Boy then snorts the disintegrated naughty person, for some reason. I will quote Warren, who explains, "He's a dark hero." And how does the candy cane decide what qualifies as naughty? Does its philosophy evolve after careful introspection or persuasive arguments? How does it judge the gorilla whose nature is simply to shit, and then to throw? We contemplate these questions and more, considering the morality of this character, whether you judge him to be effective, or just an asshole. Let us know your verdict by email: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 26, 2014..This episode we finally take another nature walk! The topic this week: unicorns. OK, so maybe it's not as natural as usual, but there's a lot of undiscovered country concerning unicorns, so it's a rich vein to mine. Much of our discussion focuses on the proper dimensions of things: how many cubits per horn, how big a unicorn sleeping kennel should be, how long a wingspan you need to fly or glide over someone holding a piss trampoline, etc. If you want to contest any of our conclusions about unicorns (and don't mind publicly admitting your virginity), send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 28, 2014..By the time you get through the intro, you'll be suspecting something awful is coming your way. Aaaaannndd, you're right. We start by talking about deep fried things, but then the discussion takes a sharp turn to the nasty. Sorry, but we need to get this out of our system (ahem) every once and a while. For those of you who don't like discussions of bodily functions, you're probably not a regular listener, right? Anyways, after explaining the rules to a twisted legendary Australian game, Warren reveals his discomfort with handling feces, which leads us to a bunch of related topics (there are several related topics, as it happens). Listen if you dare. If you think your butter has gone bad, then don't blame us. But do email us next time you're going to have a shower (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 18, 2014..As promised (sort of), and perhaps much sooner than expected (since we don't encourage expectations of any sort), we present for you, round 3 of What am I eating? We're increasing some constraints, and relaxing others: now one of us needs to eat a food and a drink, plus toast someone, but it no longer has to be something we would all eat. Are you satisfied, Josh? You shouldn't be, because this is just the beginning, and although we make some progress towards resolving the final scores, only a psychic could predict them accurately (apart from the fact that John will get his reacharound somehow). If you want to play along in our game, you should only listen to the first part of the episode (we'll use the honour system here), then send your guesses for what Warren is eating by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). All entrants receive the amazing prize of not having to listen to the end of this episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 5, 2014..We start this week with the increasingly irregular mailsack segment, where loyal listener Josh (we think the "j" is pronounced like it is in jalapeno) sends in a complimentary email (it was both kind and free), but prods us to complete at long last our "What am I eating?" contest. The incredibly loyal and patient listeners among you will know that we began the contest with two editions quite some time ago, but never really got around to the requisite additional editions we need to determine the winner (although as Josh notes, we can nevertheless predict one with a fair amount of confidence). Sadly, on the way to addressing Josh's email we get a bit distracted, and can barely decide whether to address his complaint or leave him in limbo a bit longer. If you are curious, you'll just have to keep listening to find out. Next, T-bone reads out a somewhat less specific (and less literate) email from John Arthur promising us a place in his super-secret millionaire society for free yes free no catch. Our inability to find the correct website (or perhaps our lack of motivation to try) is a shame in light of somewhat recent (well, recent when we recorded this) concerns about some jackass patent troll suing Adam Corolla over his popular podcast. We offer Adam sanctuary in our Canadian podcast on the condition he doesn't ruin our high quality recording atmosphere. If you too need podcast sanctuary, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Billygoat!! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 13, 2014..This week Warren presents us with a real quandary in Foody Goody: what is the difference between soup and tea? If you think this is easy, hold on! It's a lot more complicated than you think, and most of the criteria we first propose are clearly violated by one or more exceptions that disprove the rule. Consider the following questions: "If you made a soup only out of leaves, would that be tea?"; "If you eat the tea leaves, does that make it soup?"; "Does it matter what part of the meal the tea/soup comprises?"; "What if you have a cup of tea, and you accidentally drop some macaroni in it?" This is a minefield, folks. It's a wonder that anyone can sleep at night given all of the unresolved questions! If this gives you insomnia that fuels some ideas, send them our way via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 15, 2014..To start this episode, Warren asks us to name 5 pairs of words, that if they were anagrams, would work well in a dyslexia joke. Turns out this is a pretty tough assignment when one has limited inspiration. See if you can better our contributions (I'll bet you can), and email us with your suggestions: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then, in Polish the Bishop, Warren asks us to come up with a word for the near-universal urinal stand-off that occurs when two guys are trying to pee at the urinals in a public toilet. It's unspoken, but you don't want to lose this race, apparently. Unless you're T-bone: he’ll stand there for hours to pee in peace, and he doesn't owe anyone. Fuck everybody! John, on the other hand, is a toilet sprinter who knows nothing about the subtle contests that have been going on without his knowledge. Do women have similar contests I wonder, or are they just as sensible as drunk people? Whatever your gender, good luck listener in your own pee contests until next time. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 20, 2014..We kick off a brand new season with a new edition from our "staggeringly popular" segment, "How about that?" Warren describes the circumstances leading up to and surrounding the trial of a 17th century "habitual troublemaker" (great job if you can get it) George Spencer, who was convicted of bestiality (sort of – listen for the details) on the basis of dubious testimony from a stillborn piglet and himself, and possible also on the basis of his appearance. Did I mention this is not an Urban Legend segment? What's the difference between molesting a pig (an obvious crime) and being ordered to fondle a pig by a court (which is just following instructions)? And how can you tell if a pig is showing a "working of lust"? Oy. To be honest, we really don't provide any answers, but we do draw inappropriate conclusions about the nature of early forensics teams. How about that? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 7, 2014..Warren starts by clicking on a testicular cancer mascot this week, and this makes us wonder whether Senhor Testiculo has a prominent mole, or whether it's just an ear, or his balls (do balls have balls?), or his arms. Or maybe just a gaping wound where he was severed from the rest of the body? As promised, here's a link so you can judge for yourself: http://www.limitedappeal.net/extras/photos.htmlThen, in Urban Legend, Warren explains the origin of the word butterfly: in middle Dutch-land and Germany, the locals noticed that their local butterflies excreted a substance that probably looked and tasted like butter, at least according to the history books. Hence, the butterfly! Try it on some toast, if you have a magic box in your house that can perform the complicated steps needed for preparing some. Let us know what your local insect frass tastes like via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 17, 2013..Happy Tedmas everyone! It's that time of year when we try to include and alienate everyone in our special annual Tedmas show. Hard to believe it's Tedmas time already, but there it is. One minute you're soaking up the sun, the next you have to put up your shed. Unless you live in the southern hemisphere, in which case, you're possibly still in the sun, or unless you have no shed in your basement, in which case, you can just sit under your house stilts. Warren points out how we have until now been inadvertently exclusionary about Tedmas, and naturally we spend some time trying to decide whether this is a good or a bad thing, while inaugurating a twist on the holiday that will make it more (or perhaps less?) inclusive. Anyway, Happy Shedmas! Isn't that better? If you have no house, or no basement, or no shed, you can always join T-bone in his basement for the holidays. Email us to make arrangements: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 2, 2013..WWHHHAAAAAANNNNNNNNNHHHHH! Yup, that's the sweet sound of Scotland. While the ringing in your ears dies down a bit, here's a twisty-twist on Urban Legend: Warren will present an urban legend, and then claim his own story is bullshit, and then we need somehow to contradict him: many years ago in Scotland, a common pub game involved grabbing or punching the stomach or genitals in an attempt to encourage audible burping or farting. Plausible, isn't it? Somehow none of us questions why grabbing nuts is meant to encourage burping or farting. Maybe I haven't been doing it right? Then, in Dictionary Plus, Warren suggests a new system for talking about the reverse order of things. You wouldn't want to be stuck trying to smoothly say seventh or ninth from last without a clever word, and anyway, figuring out what the hell someone means when he or she says propreantepenultimate! This is a serious problem, obviously. What do you think of our new system? Email us: (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 28, 2013..How much Limited Appeal is there, if you wanted a podcast marathon? We never actually tell you, but it's a lot. We're talking morning, noon, night, bullshit, bullshit bullshit, bullshit, bullshit bullshit bullshit. Somehow this prompts Warren to audibly crank up his podcast machine to check. On another topic entirely, have you been paintballing? If you've never heard of this, it's not nearly as degenerate as it sounds: just a bunch of folks pretending to shoot each other while pretending that they're not actually shooting each other. In the head and face. Don't let our conversation convince you this is a ridiculous hobby, though (even though it almost certainly is) – give it a go, and let us know how you do by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 20, 2013..Did you know that you can't slip someone a valium? Well, you could, but it wouldn't be effective. This is important if you're trying to secretly get someone to relax. Note this is not exactly the placebo, because there's an element of subject awareness to the effectiveness, apparently. It's pretty fucking confusing, and perhaps (what do you know?) bullshit. How about that? Maybe part of the standard placebo trialing should involve subterfuge. We think Hrobjartsseon and Gotzsche have a lot to answer for, not least an explanation for some alternative delivery mechanisms for diazepam. If you want to explain yourselves, fellas, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 21, 2013..Hola! So Warren was watching the movie Surrogates, and while he only saw some of it, he figures the screenwriters missed out on some the obvious implications of having a robot version of yourself to run around in and live your life through. Sure, they figured out some stuff about violent crime and STDs, but what about the sweat pants, huh? And public toilets? And if you wanted your surrogate to defecate (for obvious reasons) what would come out? Now imagine all the unresolved details about health care and identity theft, and doctors who fake proctology credentials. This is a real quagmire, folks, even before you realize that autoerotic takes on a whole new meaning now. We're all about the important details here at Limited Appeal. You're welcome! Send us your thanks by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 22, 2013..We start out the episode talking about popular expressions that are less than 20 years old. If you have any other ideas than what we came up with, send us a fax. If you don't have a fax machine yet, then send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Later, we move into a brand new segment called "How about that?" Warren presents a rather scathing review of Huxley's Brave New World, and then asks "How about that?" This new segment enrages John and confuses everyone else. So it's about par for the course. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 22, 2013..Warren challenges team LA to answer this unresolved question: when does a scarf become a blanket? Does it have anything to do with wheels or posture? You'll have to listen to John stutter through a painful (although amusing) summary of the issues, but this precis quickly becomes inadequate, as we discover the nuances of this superficially simple, but actually intricate problem. In fact, although we do suggest some of the philosophical complexities, we may need your help to achieve a satisfying solution. Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) with your suggestions! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 9, 2013..Good morning! You too, Mr Deluise! Join us on a nature walk, when Warren asks why humans are the only animals that wipe their asses after pooping. First we deal with all of the obvious semantic issues (we know you've already made a list of these), before getting to some important instructions for several aspects of toilet performance. You might think you're already an expert, but allow us to enlighten you: there are volumes of stuff you don't already know about proper pooping, and the internet is here to help, with images! Once you've recovered from the Google brain scars send us email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) and describe the most offensive photo you saw that has not been emotionally repressed. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 1, 2013..It's the first episode of season 8! It's great!! The start of this season is motivated by drunkards outside of Luc's house, who may have been singing the bagpipe song. Or maybe Amazing Grace. Anyway, on the topic of Scottish problems, Warren asks us to solve the problem of Scottish independence. We get a bit sidetracked by thinking about the nature of the question for the upcoming referendum, so we don't have any brilliant solution for Scotland, but maybe that's for the best. If you want to use the name "Drunken Lotharios" for your band, go ahead! But let us know by email so we can give you instructions for how to send us royalties (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 28, 2013..Luc makes a return visit to the Safari Park where he previously met a chimp with serious rectal problems (see Episode "The Assey Wonders of Wunderbar"). Understandably, this leads to speculation on the nature of the afterlife. What if you don't like sand? Or boobs? Or sandy boobs? Then what, huh? Also, we get repunched in the mail sack by Zeth, who generously responds to our rather ungenerous response to his earlier email. I gotta hand it to the guy – he's extremely dedicated. Maybe excessively dedicated. That kind of dedication is crying out for a safe word – if you want to suggest one, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 19, 2012..Get ready for yet another special (and extra long) holiday episode of Limited Appeal. This time, Warren has a new series of bird recordings for us to describe (just like previous episodes of Who's That Bird), but the extra twist is that each bird has some kind of Christmas significance, and Warren is awarding extra points if we can figure out how. Extra points = extra drama (or possibly just extra bullshit). Three whole rounds of bird guessing! But they are extra weird sounds, so it's totally worth it. We hope you have an extra-ordinary holiday, and look forward to hearing about your Adventures in/at/over/around Tedmas via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Ho! Ho! Ho!, and for good measure, Ho! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 5, 2012..After starting out with some excellent intro music (Sparks is da man!), Warren introduces this week's Urban Legend. This is an update of an earlier episode (Linda's Favourite Hiding Spot), in which Warren had described the invention of the dildo. Turns out the true origin of the DILbertDOugh is in fact botanical, but this time it involves witchcraft and the, ahem, vaginal "administration" of "flying ointment". (I'm not sure which set of quotation marks is more important, so I'm leaving both in.) Anyway, this is why witches are associated with broomsticks. See? All of a sudden the sexy-witch costumes at Hallowe'en take on a whole new dimension. And wait till you hear about why they hand out Hallowe'en chocolate bars! Absolutely filthy. If you have any stories of hypoglycemic intrusions to pass along, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 9, 2012..This episode's mailsack contains a friendly invitation from The Four Listeners Podcast. We briefly consider the appropriate way to respond, but we're actually not very good at appropriate, so the segment ends up being unnecessarily (but perhaps predictably) hostile. Yeah. Soooo, sorry about that Zeth. To be fair (or at least somewhat less unfair), since the recording I have listened to a bit of Listeners, and it's not so bad. They even have a possibly frequent Aussie guest Kath (I only listened to bits of one episode, so I can't be sure), whose voice is nearly (though not quite) as awesome as SVGs. Ahem. Anyhoo, since after this we still have some spare time – we also tackle some "current" events: the issue of separatism in Quebec. Warren suggests a change in nomenclature that will probably finally settle all the conflict. If you want to help with the production of the updated "Canadian" Heritage Minute vignette, starring Warren and his uncomfortable headset (we're thinking about you, Mr. Lightfoot), send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 1, 2012..Today we spend a predictably large fraction of time discussing farts and bees. How are they related? Well, they're mostly not, but they partly ARE (arguably). Exactly how? Well aren't you equipped with the questioning persistence of a three year old? Just listen to the podcast – it's full of health and safety information on important (arguably) gastrointestinal physiology. Guaranteed to have some approximately scientific facts, at least some of the time. But no fart noises, because we're a classy (arguably) podcast. If you can clarify how yahoo answers terror-ists are ranked, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 21, 2012..We begin this episode with a foody goody segment in which John suggests a pizza innovation. Flavoured crusts! No, not the kind you already heard of, because that's NASTY! Our discussion gets a bit derailed by trying to define "stuffin' it with the NASTY", and after that, by a strange decision to substitute definitions of adverbs (and then later, adjectives) with their dictionary definitions. Try it with your friends, or possibly with your political representatives, but maybe not with poets, or singers (it's too annoying to talk to them, obviously). If you want to swear at us in Italian, or in any other language, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 13, 2012..This episode we wanna push you around! Actually, we try to name 5 song titles that could be used to describe a recent bowel movement. You will not be surprised that this is easy for some of us. Warren has a list of 40, and he's even categorized his responses: see if you can name 5 of his categories instead of songs, because otherwise this is too easy. On topic, shouldn't the verb to "soil oneself" or "soil something" only be used if you've been eating dirt? No? I seem to be in the minority on this one. Also, why does the urban dictionary specify the cause of an incident? Seems to be superfluous in the context of providing definitions, no matter how many up-votes there are. If your name is Jarome and you write for the urban dictionary, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to explain yourself. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 7, 2012..This week we try to name five things that are beautiful, no matter what they say. Did you spot the ambiguous pronoun? Once you figure out the antecedent this may make more sense. Maybe? Have you checked out a cockroach's face recently? Don't even get me started on their bodies. almost as hot as hurricanes! Sexy, sexy hurricanes, especially when they come in pairs. Then Warren introduces a new segment, Elucidate This!, in which Warren reads a poem and the rest of us try to analyze it and find its deeper meaning. It's awesome! And perfect for the ladies, especially those who like some kinds of poetry. G-rated poetry. If you have any poems you want to submit for analysis, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We can't wait! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 19, 2012..For the first time in a long while, we reach deep into the mail sack. In reference to Episode Muffcake, a listener comments on all the crap in our podcast, and suggests we might want to run for office. Luc questions the relevance of cupcakes and muffins for public policy planning, but perhaps he's unfairly dismissing some broadly relevant aspects of baking for the common good. Perhaps. Next, Warren refers to an episode of Seinfeld in which pastrami is designated as the most sensual of salted cured meats. He asks the obvious question: what is the least sensual salted cured meat? Does sensual have too many sexual connotations for you? How about sensuous? No difference? You obviously don't work in a charcuterie shop. Cop that, John Milton! If you don't like it, feel free to punch our mail sack (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 2, 2012..Season 7! Can you believe it? Oh. Anyway, to kick off a brand new season (that you apparently are completely unsurprised about, ya dick), we try to name 5 pairs of words that rhyme but, when you say them, think to yourself (or possibly say aloud), "Words, you got NO business rhyming with each other!" This is harder than it sounds, in part because we don't really know what this means, and Warren doesn't even has an example. What makes words have business rhyming with one another? If you sufficiently relaxed to have a suggestion, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 29, 2012..Happy 2012, everyone! To bring in the New Year, we discuss how in some cases, autoerotic entertainment involves altered consciousness. But only in moderation! You don't want to do this in excess. Ahem. After that PSA, we do a bit of arguing over whether rewind still works as a word to describe going backwards on an audio track. It doesn't, which probably means that last sentence was inscrutable. Oh well. Finally, we talk about pies. Is there such a thing as a bad pie? Are you sure? Have you checked? See if you think any of Warren's creations are worth re-creation, and let us know your review by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 11, 2012..Are you thirsty? I thought so. Grab a bottle of liquid fish, and join us on a Nature Walk: for the mercifully final Round of Who's That Bird: A'Frickin' Edition. Play along, even if you are a former goalie for the Oilers and a bit high right now. It's guaranteed to be almost completely bullshit, but we do provide the right answer at some stage, so it's conceivable, if unlikely, that you could learn something. Who knows? Also, see if you can guess who has to eat whose reacharound. Maybe it will taste like fish! Let us know where we can get our hands on some young rev by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 9, 2011..Merry Christmas everyone! And good ted-ings to you all. We start this brand new season-appropriate episode by trying to name 5 Christmas or Tedmas gifts that sound well-meaning, but would cause the recipient to ask for just a card next year. Have you received any plastic broken necklaces? How about some gluten? A new world? Some bready soda, especially if you're a celiac? Send us your wishlist by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 14, 2011..In this part 2 of the non-video game video dance party, or whatever, we feature a Limited Appeal record for topics considered with minimal transitional material. And that's saying something! After some introductory obsession with penises (peni?) we enjoy us some Foody Goody, then MMMM!! Macaroons, by Katrina Robinson, then all of sudden we're talking about the potentially constraining effect of running speed on intelligence. And that's just the start! Here's an arrow diagram of the episode: Intro -> Don Johnson's partner -> Penises -> Xylophone solo -> Macaroons -> Sheep stomach -> Coconut beatings -> Ostriches -> Fast but dumb -> Small heads for maneuverability -> Converse, inverse and contrapositives -> Do dinosaurs exist? -> Things that we can test with our own two feet -> Yoda -> Teaching with his fucking mind -> Light sabre holding technique -> Gray hair on your back -> Mouth DNA -> Genghis Khan -> A series of bullshit, untrue science "facts" -> Name 5 Things that are totally pointless because the premise isn't true anyway -> Supervolcano -> Nuclear war -> Skittles -> Supervirus -> Flooding -> Nepal -> Kevin Costner -> Lungs. If you want to contest any of these topics, for some pointless reason, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). No coherence in your argument is obviously required. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 12, 2011..We're live! Face to face to face. One face is missing. But it probably also has nose hair. Ugh ? this is, even, by our standards, a rather disgusting episode. What about above-the-ass back hair? Listen carefully, and you'll discover whether these traits are a tipping point concerning whether we'll be able to continue procreating. Or maybe that's a complete bit of nonsense that you won't be able to help but shake your head at. Anyway, if you're still listening by some chance, we later try to name 5 band names that could be a phallic euphemism. Play along. Not with your phallus, you pervert! With our name around 5 things segment. Jesus. If you can stop touching yourself long enough to free up one hand, and if you want John to send you a free photo of his back hair, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 8, 2011..In our Nature Walk this week, we feature round 4 of Who's that Bird, A-Frickin' Edition. When I write "round 4", I mean of course the 4th time we've done this segment, as opposed to a comment on the shape of the segment, which may or may not be cigar-shaped. It's not clear how many heads the segment has, but perhaps judging by the quality of our bird identity guesses, there are probably fewer than you might think. Anyway, play along! If you do, you might be surprised at how much is going on during a small stretch of bird song, especially in contrast with how little is going on during a small section of our podcast. If you want to start an argument about the shape of a goose's bill, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 4, 2011..After a seemingly interminable and trivial preamble, we discuss the development of the biggest supercomputer in China (we think it's China, anyway). It's possible the computer's function is to censor discussion of Chinese secrets, or offensive dialog, in which case we probably will set a few flags. So, to make amends, Warren suggests we make deliberately inaccurate and offensive statements that we can then rebuke ourselves. Do we manage? Have a listen to found out. If you work for the Chinese secret service, and wish to poison us by email, here's our address: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 10, 2011..This episode we ask if gravity has a special relationship with balls, particularly when a kilt, or a dog, is involved. Watch your step! In name 5 things, we try to name 5 provocative movie titles for dogs. I know, it's ridiculous. My main job here is to write descriptions, so you can't blame me for the fact that the topics are bullshit. Anyway, you can't really complain unless you already know 5 provocative dog movie titles. You don't, do you? If you do, send us an email with your suggestions (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We probably won't do anything with them, but the act of sending them to us may or may not be cathartic for you. If you don't, then quit your bitching (ha!) and listen to the doggone (ha!) podcast. Ahem. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

May 17, 2011..Are you ready for round 3 of our Who's That Bird contest: A-frickin' Edition? Well, get ready. Do it! Ah, forget it, we'll start even though you're NOT ready. Jackass. In fact, if you're expecting a detailed description of this episode so you'll have an advantage in the home version of Who's That Bird that we know you all play with your friends, forget it. Here's all you're getting: ungulate impressions, grounded asian beer, and just-about-to-die. Cop that, keyword search! I'm outta here. If you want to complain about the inadequacy of this week's episode description, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 6, 2011..In Music and Music and Music related things, T-Bone reveals that the sound of almost all classic radio jingles came from a single studio. This means that you're guaranteed to have been annoyed by the same small group of (apparently rich) Texans as everyone else who suffered through commercial morning radio. Thanks, Texas! Fuckers. Somehow, with little by way of segue, this leads us to a discussion on marriage. I don't remember how, and you shouldn't care. The point is that Warren defends a rather liberal and inclusive definition of marriage that includes all kinds of inter-species pairings, and one can only guess on whether he has a personal interest. My guess: he does. Take that, smart-comeback guy! Anyway, to wrap up the show, John's dog is either up to all kinds of obscene things, or is perhaps very warm. You figure it out. If you enjoy T-Bone's silky voice and want him to produce some jingles for you for less than $10000, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 10, 2011..Every episode could be a new season, but usually it isn't. Except this time! Welcome to Season 6. Yeah, we could hardly believe it either, and we should know better since we're in charge of deciding when the seasons change. Not like in a weather way, obviously ? just the seasons associated with our show. Ahem. Anyway, this week in Name 5 Things, Warrens asks us to name 5 situations in which a "placebo button" would be helpful. The theory is that even if buttons aren't connected to anything, and therefore don't actually influence an outcome, the act of pushing one is somehow therapeutic when waiting around, and prevents all kinds of rage that might otherwise cause the collapse of society as we know it. You know, the kind of rage you might feel while waiting for an elevator door to close, or your tea to steep, or whatever. If you have more great ideas for placebo technology, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 9, 2011..We stage a brand new contest for this episode: Who's That Word, Football Edition! Warren plays three chants from English football (er, soccer for those in parts of the world where there is some ambiguity about the term), and the rest of us have to name the city/team whose supporters are doing the chanting. Easy enough, right? So long as you know a bit about English Football, can interpret the language of drunken, howling British soccer hooligans, and/or maybe can spare a thought for basic geography. Any guesses about which of these prerequisites we stumble on? If you guess right, you just might win a reacharound, but don't get too confident because John hasn't lost one of these contests yet?. To claim your prize, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) and we'll arrange some form of a competition with the winner, presumably involving naked wrestling. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 12, 2011..Can you speak Beaker? Oh. Do you also have a mental or emotional disorder? Riiiiggghhhhttttt. Anyways, in our first non-Beaker segment this week, Warren asks about the gap in radio music between the 60's and the classical music period. Was music so crappy in the Middle Ages (1800-1940)? Or was classical music just amazingly awesome? How square and lame is today's music? Why do some radio stations still play the Beach Boys? How many people need to die to solve this problem? Ahem. If you're a hardcore Beach Boys fan, would an earthquake and a Beyonce CD change anything? We recommend it. Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if it works. Footnote: Microsoft spell-check recommends I change "If you're a Beach Boys fan" to "If you were a Beach Boys fan". Nice work, Bill. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 8, 2010..Welcome to another Christmas Show! But not the same one, because that would just be lazy. No, instead we've baked a special batch of limited appeal that you'll find in a delicious rectangular box. Hee hee! Tasty box... Well, actually, I've not tasted the box proper, but it's contents are awesome. Take that where you will. Anyways, we're not sure we actually remember anything other than the names about either of the brands involved in our product comparison segment, so it's safe to say the actual usefulness of the segment is as limited as our appeal. Meh. But as useless as that part may be, our following discussion of chocolate shape will BLOW YOUR MIND. Wait for T-bone's new perspective on things. And hey, if it fails to blow your mind, have we really been worse than most Christmas albums? Really? Hmph. Merry fucking Christmas anyway. Ho! Ho! Ho! Send us your Christmas greetings via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 15, 2010..Can you believe that sometime this month (or possibly last month depending on when you listen to this), someone will start the one millionth download of a Limited Appeal podcast? Neither can we. Anyway, Warren takes a verbal shit in this segment and asks you to have a look: anatidaephobia. Whaddya think? Don't get too disgusted or scared, because bulls and ducks experience vision that is like an old TV set, or a (moving) painting of T-Bone on a stone, respectively. Phew! If you can think of a better or worse cure for anatidaephobia than blinding every duck in the universe, or possibly just Warren, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 24, 2010..In this episode, we take a Nature Walk for Round 2 of "Who's That Bird: A-frickin' Edition". You'll learn about one or more of the following: geographic and environmental variation in pelican feather pigmentation, appendage-based locomotion in flightless ratites, birds that wear glasses, birds that fly constantly, 24/7, even when asleep, or that bees are different from birds. Actually, you may have learned some of this already just by reading this description! Unless you weren't paying attention. Or don't believe us. Or already knew some of the above, or don't care enough to remember. Come to think of it, there's not much point in me trying to predict what you've learned since I have no idea about your prior knowledge, motivation to learn, or susceptibility to our bullshit. Why don't you tell ME what you've learned after listening by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 14, 2010..After a long hiatus (or maybe, if you aren't Hoss, after no hiatus because you've never heard of our stupid show), we're back with a new contest: Who's That Bird: A-frickin' Edition. Just like our earlier contest featuring New Zealand Birds, this time we venture to the dark continent (no racism intended) and check our skills in imagining the appearance and motivation of birds based only on their songs. Warren is playing the calls, which means he's reacharound proof for once, much to John's disappointment. You too may be reacharound proof (for now, at least), but play along anyway. Also, send us a design for a human perching prosthesis. Don?t worry! We'll credit you on the back of the package, and send you some form of royalties, maybe. One more thing: make sure to listen to our exciting new extro, and let us know what you think by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 20, 2010..This week, at long last, another much-anticipated Urban legend. Did you know that dildos were discovered by accident? Back in the 1940's people used to?, actually maybe it's best if you just listen, since I can't bring myself to type it all out. A few keywords should be sufficient to give you a picture anyway: celery branches, some guy called Dilbert, chicken wings, and cleaning the inside of one's anus. You may be asking yourself how we could possibly tidy up the episode after such a brilliant beginning, but if so you're being rather presumptuous. We're not big on cleaning up. Instead, we narrowly fail to scar Warren's retina during an attempted googlewhack exercise, and narrowly fail to rickroll you, our listeners. If the song gets in your head now, it's not entirely our fault. It's the same as with anything! Email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 27, 2010..We begin this episode in Pooh Corner, where we try to answer the following question posed to Warren by a fortune cookie: how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? You may think you know the answer, but our discussion should make you think twice, as we vacillate between rather determined answers of "a bit", "not at all", and even a rather persuasive "maybe it would even get shallower without sponges". And if you think you've got sponges cased, how about lobsters? It turns out this is a really complex question. In the end we settle on a satisfyingly vague set of two solutions: either "maybe," or "it depends". So now you know. If you have a similarly vexing fortune cookie riddle, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)? we're always happy to solve our listener's problems. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 5, 2010..After seeing a documentary on the Discovery Civilization channel that recounted the sinking of the Titanic from the iceberg's perspective, in this week's edition of Name 5 Things, Warren asks us to name 5 other stories that would benefit from similar treatment. We spend a bit of time going over the details of the iceberg's perspective, which is tricky since the iceberg had no voice, and there may have been a fair amount of speculation on the part of the Discovery folks. We eventually suggest a few events that might be similarly lame, which is maybe good enough to wrap up an episode, or if not, it's at least as good as Spiderman. If you disagree, send us email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

May 13, 2010..After some trash talking with Richard Simmons, Warren opens a Foody Goody segment by asking the rest of us about sitcom errors in classifying fruits and vegetables. This discussion necessarily involves mentioning the reproductive organs of plants, and you can probably guess what that leads to. Yes, you're right: Warrant. Anyway, who knew the politics/taxation policy of vegetables were so complex?! You did? Oh. Well who invited you, Mr Law Talking Man? Asshole. Anyway, if you're still listening, which I doubt, see if you can follow our triangle of strawberries analogy, which I also doubt. Whatever. Email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 16, 2010..After dropping some new tunes to start season 5 (how exciting), we diagnose Luc's elbow in "Your Body and You". If you've heard our show before, and for some strange reason you're still listening, you'll know that our medical advice should really never be taken seriously, but play along anyway. Can you guess which of the following is not in our list of recommended treatments? A) Amputation; B) Rest; C) Ice; D) Reacharound; E) Moisturizer; F) Burning. Winner gets a reacharound ? just email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to arrange collection of your prize at a time and place that is convenient for both you and John. And if YOU have any medical concerns or questions, please pass them along! If you're quick, you might get this for free, just this once. Theme music courtesy of Mugison and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 3, 2010..We begin by trying to decide whether it's a good idea or a bad idea for a transport company to use the slogan, "If it's on time, it's a fluke". Turns out you can interpret this in many ways, but don't get all crazy and start denying antecedents, now. We don't go in for logical fallacies. Can you name one important way that trucks are like flatworms? No, that's not it. Nope, wrong again. Don't you know anything about mouth/anuses? Ah, well, if it's any consolation (and it shouldn't be), you're not alone. And you could always try to top John in the dumb-stakes by emailing us with YOUR genetics question (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 10, 2010..Did you know that CTV is planning to remake every episode of The Littlest Hobo, but this time, a man plays the dog character? Or maybe you've never even heard about The Littlest Hobo? You really should stay in more. Anyway, if you found the old series a bit far-fetched, wait for the new one, which will be "edgy" and "fresh"! Meanwhile, listen as John reveals his confidential stories about how he made summer partner by being Mr. Gropey. He also tells us about a particularly exciting employment dispute he had to summarize: loads of emails and other fascinating shit, along with a bit of dry stuff. Hard to imagine such a roller-coaster life, enh? Maybe tomorrow, we'll want to settle down, but until tomorrow, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 20, 2010..Have you heard about the Hadron Collider? Not the same as the hard-on collider, which is a different thing, I think. Anyway, if you've not heard of the first, maybe that's because people in the future are trying to stop you from hearing about it. It's as if someone is going back in time to save the universe from a massive cosmic traffic accident. (They're presumably perfectly OK with you learning about hard-on colliders.) Or maybe the workmen are just enjoying some cheesecake. Maybe you should do the same, instead of going jogging. Or send us an email instead (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). And whatever you do, keep on trucking! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 16, 2009..Is no sad ? is part of life! This year you get a brand new Tedmas episode, which is surprising given our recent lack of podcast productivity. You're welcome! We begin with a festive edition of Name 5 Things, in which Warren asks us to name five foods that should become part of the traditional holiday menu. How would YOU modify candy canes? Think carefully now, because if you consider it properly we?re confident you'll agree with T-bone's suggestion. There's not even any mustard involved! Sadly, T-bone doesn't know how to shape things into a candy cane, so if you've got any food engineering skillz, contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, some questions to keep you pondering until the New Year: Why are there no corn nog flavoured pudding pops? Why can't Ukrainians count to 12? Are women scared of nipples? Should T-bone stop wearing transparent pants? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 18, 2009..Don't ever do a segment, and then stop doing it, if it's possible that we might have had that idea, should we have had a video format. Got it?! Glad we cleared that up. Maybe you can return the favour and clear up our confusion about the phrase, "If it's 130 yards, it's a foot!" What the hell does that mean? We discuss this for quite some time, but since we have even less of a clue than usual, it's mostless pointless. John does get humourously annoyed about George Costanza, though, so it's not a total waste of time. Let us know what you think of Paul Schaeffer by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 27, 2009..We hope you're enjoying your sippets. We begin this week with Foody Goody, in which Luc explains that there's no such thing as Swiss cheese. If you think you've had some, you're deluding yourself. Yes, you are! Anyway, while your mind is still blown, consider this: we didn't start the fire. It was always burning. Did you know that in many French-speaking communities, French toast is called "pain perdu", which means, loosely, bread that was too proud to ask for directions? It's true. No matter what you call it, we hope you enjoy your Hungarian furry bread. If you want to tell us how many sippets you have, and whether they are inflamed, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 3, 2009..Warren begins this episode with a particularly challenging edition of "Name 5 Things", asking us to name 5 statements matching the formula "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." First a negative, then a reflexive affirmative. Sounds tough! Until John points out that there's no criterion asserting that the statement makes sense. Brace yourself for some surprising insights on the interrelationships between cheese and mice, some fairly careless agreement between subject and verb, some very crunchy toast, and a few statements that are highly unlikely to become popular. If you can think of any statements that are better than ours (it shouldn't be difficult), please let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 14, 2009..How does this show affect our chances at a political career? Well, it doesn't help. Although I suppose we could run and lose. Or would that mean we weren't politicians? Does it matter whether you get paid to run a marathon? This is rather confusing, and to be honest, I'm not sure our podcast helps. What did you expect? Anyway, we bet you've all been wondering about CENSORED and his injured CENSORED, yes? No? Whatever. If you can give us a status update on your dickishness, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 26, 2009..We begin by describing what Fife is: it's a kingdom just North of the Firth of Fife. We're not making this up. How do you become a king, anyway? If you've been just waiting around for a leader, and are happy for one of us to rule as a king, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Anyway, in Sportage, Luc describes his outing on something called a chainwalk in Fife, and how it made him late for the recording because he was waiting for fish. It's a long and complicated story, and as always, it's improved by Google Images. This time, play along and we promise not to burn your eyes with disgusting images, if only because we get distracted by Warren's misuse of language. Finally, why is night vision green? Brace yourself for our answer. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 25, 2009..We begin this episode with another Nature Walk, in which Warren asks us to guess what animals contributed to some unusual hybrid mammal names. See if YOU can guess who wins the contest, what the prize is, and who will do the reaching. Could you tell a horse from a zebra or other zebroid based only on shape? If you can, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) so we can ridicule you specifically. Then in an unusually contested Foody Goody segment, Luc explains the usage of the word pudding in Britain. The real confusion strikes when Warren asks about cheese options after meals. This turns out to be a real curiosity for some of us, and an occasion for all kinds of extra-curricular learning. We discuss different parts of the cheese, the etiquette involved in eating them, and the many possible dinner arrangements involving post-main course cheesy comestibles. Finally, we also have the Python gang stop in and perform (i.e., we steal a tiny clip from one of their routines, because we don't actually know them or have permission to play it). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 5, 2009..This week's title refers to a current (at the time of recording it was current) science story about a jellyfish that Warren claims is "essentially immortal". I know, you can tell it's wrong as soon as you hear that Warren's the guy reporting it, but listen anyway. There might, just maybe, be a kernel of truth in the giant pile of bullshit that streams out of Warren. And if that's true, we should all be very, very afraid, because soon the world will be covered in fucking jellyfish. Ahem. Anyway, after a brief pause to fuck with John's mind, we get back to discussing the end of humanity. Important shit, with weather-altering, drought-creating, fist-growing implications. Listen for yourself, and let us know how terrified you are by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 19, 2009..We begin this episode by once again coming to the rescue of a desperate information seeker, who stumbled onto our site (Google tells us) in a futile search for knowledge that we did not have, until now. How do women pee with wearing old chastity belt in the middle ages? Or did they at all? Not the new chastity belt, mind (that's easy!) ­ the old ones! We know nothing about the true answer, of course, but we don't let that stop us from discussing it at length. And Google Images teaches us all kinds of true or untrue things - there are even male chastity belts! It's all quite disturbing, thanks to some dude. Fucker. But at least we answered his question! One final tip: keep T-Bone away from the floral arrangements and the yellow snow. Send us pictures of your friends wearing the chastity belt of your choice by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 9, 2009..Does a word rhyme with itself? If you think you know the answer, ask yourself about the simple math. You heard me! This is actually a complicated issue. We're talking at least 13 different definitions, here. Remember Emily Dickinson, bitch? I know, it's weak sauce, but there's a chance Warren is technically right about something, for once. Astonished? I thought you might be. Anyway, to avoid dwelling on Warren's possible correctness, we "quickly" change the subject to a "Name 5 Things" segment, in which we attempt the reverse of our last "Name 5..." porn edition: Warren will name a porno title, and we have to derive the mainstream film that is analogous to it. It turns out this is a really tough exercise (in case you hadn't guessed from our episode title). Play the game along with us, and prove your superior reverse Porn Name 5 Things skills by sending us you answers by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 25, 2009..What's the appeal of crystal meth? Is it really worth taking, just so you can experience our podcast in 3D? Probably not, for at least two reasons. Stick with the alcoholism, OK? Our Name 5 Things segment this week takes a pornographic turn when Warren asks us to derive the adult movie parody titles for several recent Hollywood films. You might think that those few minutes spent thinking of bad puns have limited appeal. Good call! But it's still fun to learn about our favourite porn genres. Spoiler alert: T-Bone knows a lot about this topic. If you wish to use any of our titles for your pornographic film (whether or not you think it will appeal to small penis fetishists), email us to discuss a suitable royalty arrangement (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 19, 2009..OK! If you can manage to listen beyond the revolting audio apparently provided by Luc, you'll learn about another Urban Legend that answers the question, "What did people use for prophylaxis before latex was invented?" Of course the answer is a great big pile of bullshit, as usual, and all the usual disclaimers about not following the medical advice that some of us provide hold. Still, if you have tried "getting inked" and want to report on the sensation, or lack thereof, please let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). On a dubiously related topic, what the hell is with Grimace, Ronald's special purple friend? Freak. Finally, in Your Body and You, Warren asks the point of earlobes, and T-Bone knows the answer!! Well?sort of. The rest of the episode is a bit more offensive than usual. You've been warned, body-modification aficionados! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 25, 2009..And......continue! T-bone begins the second part of our goaty live face-to-face recording by describing his new drink in Alcoholics Says: the nogalyser. It's a bit like a paralyser, but more egg-y. Kind of similarly, we learn that disliking something is a bit like not liking it, but more offensive and/or accurate. Then in Foody Goody, Warren asks us to name 5 things that should be eaten be eaten frozen, but that are not yet typically consumed in a frozen state. If you doubt that this could be the basis for a long and drawn out discussion (including many undoubtedly million-dollar ideas for new products), you're not familiar with our podcast. Congratulations! Should you decide to listen anyway, let us know how it was for you by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 10, 2009..Enh? Come closer! We're going on a Nature Walk to start this week, and it features all kinds of stubborn/asshole animals. The debate we have centres on whether stubborn-ness is a sign of intellect, and the relative intelligence of newborn humans and donkeys. Then, conspicuously without any transitional material of any kind, we jump to a discussion of the Google ads on our website, which we are not asking you to click on explicitly, although we certainly think you might enjoy the products made by whatever sponsor is unlucky enough to be associated with our site thanks to an accidental coincidence of keywords. Finally, in Music and Music, Warren asks about KISS's make-up. What was the point, and what kind of password issues might they have come up against? If you know the answer, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 29, 2009..Welcome to Series/Season 4! We have a dramatic beginning for you, sort of. At long last, you'll know who won the What am I....Who's That Bird...What am I Drinking...Who's That Word: Competitive Eating Edition. Whatever. I'm sure you're dripping with anticipation. (Some people get drippy when anticipating things, I think.) Up to five points will get awarded in the final round! And this round, they're not just words, they're questions! Are you up to the Milk Challenge? Could it involve crazy amounts of milk and gumming your mouth with crackers? Or breasts? Vomiting? Anyone? What if we fed you a nine pound cheeseburger? Would you vomit then? How about if you run the steeplechase? Would you like some Alex Trebek musak to go with your habanero peppers? Aren't they vegetables? Am I rambling with excessive questions again? Why don't you email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) and let me know? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 14, 2009..It's the ultimate episode of season three, but only in the chronological sense. Our intro somehow leads us to question Stompin Tom's obvious neediness. How many law degrees, posses, discount cards or names does this guy want? Jesus. Anyway, to cheer us up Culture.ca has apparently now included us in their podcast directory after several months of considering any ultimatums (ultimata?) we may or may not have sent their way. It's still not clear whether the collapse of their webpage was a result of including us. Either way, thanks a lot, culture.ca! Expect your meat tray/fruit cake by email. And congratulations for really upping the pressure on Conan! If you downloaded this podcast via culture.ca or Conan O'Brien's website, please let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 4, 2009..We're back! After a somewhat lengthy hiatus during which we were busy with, er, some other things, we've returned with a long-awaited next episode. Maybe someone was awaiting it. Anyone? Hello? Whatever. In this week's Foody Goody Session we feature Round 2 of our Who's That Word: Competitive Eating Edition contest. If you've forgotten during our absence, the point (yes, there is a point) is for each of the others to guess the meaning of Warren's nominated technical term from the competitive eating world. Riveting shit, let me assure you. In what other show can you get references to the Bible, Seinfeld, dropkicks, the laws of Physics, wet bread, and a reacharound all at once? Not many, I guess. I wonder why not? If you know, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 16, 2009..It turns out John's cat George meows on command. And sometimes, it meows just because it wants to. Do you care? I didn't think so. And who the fuck cares about a calendar about narrow boats? Did you even know about these? You will by the end of this show, whether you care to or not. Turns out, they're long, and pretty narrow. Not like a Viking boat, though. Venice style. Surprisingly narrow. Especially the modern boats, which are slightly narrower. Somehow all this talk of boats leads to Australian penis nicknames. You really should have expected as much. If you know where we can find a calendar about narrow boats or Australian penis nicknames, please let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 1, 2009..If you are easily offended by misogynistic questions, or perhaps even if you aren't, you might want to skip this week's episode. It centers on the latest segment of "Your Body and You", in which T-Bone requests the development of a certain litmus test that probably doesn't involve acidity. Should it involve communication, or is that, as some of us suspect, a really bad idea? Maybe a measuring device of some sort? How does one deal with the stretching? Could you start with ping-pong balls, and then work your way up? Or is that another really bad idea? Does a girl want some kind of prosthesis? Like a puppet? Or fuzzy vice? Regardless of how important this may or may not be, send us your ideas for solving this problem by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 21, 2009..Listen closely, because the passing trucks are noisy today. This week's episode features another segment of Dictionary Plus, in which Warren introduces an exciting new contest: Who's that Word: Competitive Eating Edition. Warren will name a term used in the competitive eating circuit, and the others have to decide what it means. The closest guess will be awarded a point in some fashion that will no doubt contribute to one's chances of a reach-related-reward. Widen your stance a bit, shake things out, and turn your hat backwards in anticipation of this round: you'll need all the space you can manage, because today's term is "dropping the mule". We have done our best to keep ass-related puns to a minimum, but in case you were expecting something, our best isn't very good. Have you read any good books on competitive eating lately? Send us your recommendations by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 7, 2009..Happy New Year! In the first episode of 2009, we boldly attempt to name 5 sports in which the danger and risk are maximized, but the respect gained by participating in the sport is minimized. Warren's suggested example is the luge. Sorry, lugers, but he's got a point. We come up with several other candidates, most of which seem to involve combinations of two other things, e.g., skiing and jumping, punting and tackling, croquet while horse riding, skateboarding while sun tanning, and sword fighting while being without pants (hey, the danger has to be maximized, remember)? Let us know if we neglected to mention your own sport, or if you wish to sign our petition to renew television coverage of the lumberjack games (email us at maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 17, 2008..This year we bring you a brand new Tedmas special! Luc starts things off by revealing how the British are woefully deficient in eggnog and eggnog lore. Then it turns out that even we don't know what nog is. So we make some shit up, with some help from the internet. Then raise a glass of cornnog and join our discussion of redundant food names. Can you resolve the weakness in the naming conventions of redundant names? What other kinds of gum are there than chewing gum? You can probably guess where we're headed with this topic, but give us a listen anyway. You might be surprised about how many types of gum there are! Even if some of them are not really culturally accepted. Send us your jolly holly Tedmas greetings by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 10, 2008..What is the purpose of pants? Don't be so sure you know the answer until you've given us a listen. We could save you all kinds of showering time! Then in the Superhero's phone booth, Warren introduces Sabretooth Man! Get it? He has...sabreteeth! It's not clear how he manages to eat without injuring himself, nor what his main strategies are for defeating villains, but Warren insists he's effective in fighting crime, and even illustrates a scenario through which Sabretooth man might prevail, which involves stealth and biting the sweet spot. And maybe a gun (for long range fighting). Listen and then judge for yourself! Let us know what you think via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 3, 2008..In this week's Urban Legend segment, Warren discusses the recent discovery of sabre-toothed deer, which once lurked among regular grazing deer and pounced upon unsuspecting herbivores. A key aspect of their predatory habits (how this was learned from fossils is not revealed) was to keep their heads in the grass to conceal their enormous teeth, a strategy that may or may not be shared by certain mimics of female fireflies. You can probably imagine that given all the discussion of neck width, the origin of the species, and the mechanics of hybrid sex, we're going to need more than one episode to fully treat this topic. If so, your imagination is in luck! We'll have more sabre teeth in next week's episode. If you would rather we don't, you can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 24, 2008..Have you got a soothing neck or face? After an unsuccessful attempt to spin the tracks, Luc describes his trip to Belgium (pause for laughs) where he visited the spa in Spa, and received a facial. Apparently it was kind of relaxing in spite of all the goop covering his face. Would you rather be the facial giver or the facial receiver? Really? Even if you knew that there would be all kinds of gunk coming out of someone's head? You're a weirdo. Anyway, we also discuss new possible patterns of eyebrow grooming ? you might want to try one of our suggestions and break new ground in the realm of facial hair fashion. Then, after discussing whether place names are misleadingly bold advertisements, we discuss different massage techniques. Consensus: if you're going to get a massage from a dude, he had better be beating the piss out of you. Finally, we chat about the easy-listening music that characterizes any experience at a spa or thermal bath. If you are a new-age artist or masseur and can give us hints on how to stay awake at work, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 13, 2008..Good morning AND welcome. This episode begins with another Nature Walk. Hooray! Warren was watching a movie by M. Night Shyamalan, and the one thing that shattered his suspension of disbelief was a quotation of Einstein on a science classroom board suggesting that if bees vanished, humans would quickly go extinct. Strangely, Warren is more sceptical than Luc about this "fact", perhaps because Luc considers the importance of bees for humans to stretch slightly beyond their delicious contributions of honey to our world. Then in Good Idea/Bad Idea, Warren asks if hybrid car owners deserve special nearby parking spaces. What about walkers and cyclists? Don't they deserve special parking privileges? What about people who drive an El Camino? Or doorless Jeeps? If you own any of these, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) so John can make an appointment to kick you in the balls.Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 5, 2008..We begin this week by asking whether amazon.com's experiments in changing the prices of items according to the interest and loyalty of customers are a good idea or a bad idea. What about changing the price of cold soda depending on how hot it is? Regardless of whether the idea is any good, it does make John predictably angry, which is somehow rewarding. What do you think? Should loyalty be rewarded or punished? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We don't actually care what you think, but asking fulfils my obligation to write a couple of lines for this episode's description, and gets the tricky insertion of our email address out of the way. Awesome! Anyway, after quite a lot of discussion, we decide to conduct a couple of experiments of our own to see if Amazon is doing anything shady in settings its prices. You can play along with us if you have a computer with Internet access and nothing better to do.Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 28, 2008..We begin this special holiday episode by trying to name five things to carve at Halloween other than pumpkins. (It's not very nice to the pumpkins, after all.) You can play along, but remember where to stick your candle. And all wooden things count together. Why can't pumpkin insides be a mash of non-stringy mush? It's just confusing. If you can help clear up the confusion, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then in Urban Legend, Warren tells us about the increased risk of zombification that arises when people are regularly hypnotized. Do you or your friends show any symptoms? Listen and we will reveal the two things that will certainly decrease your risk of turning into a zombie, presuming that's a bad thing. Voila! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 18, 2008..Today's episode is full of provocative questions again. Get ready by polishing up your helmet for sportage, in which we discuss whether looking so good should be penalized, and for how long. How about looking so bad? Even in hockey? Maybe a free kick? Is this all related to the insurance industry? Then in Foody Goody, Warren describes his morning diet. Do you know a good gastroenterologist who might be able to sort out his guts? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Also, can you tell us how big pea nuts should be? Have you tried wasabi-covered strawberries? Not even in a salad dressing? What's so special about special K? Does it just stand for Kereal? Does T-bone believe in segues? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 8, 2008..Our episode starts with another refreshing segment of "Alcoholics Says", featuring a very loud drink, apparently newly invented by Luc. It's not very good, but perhaps better than its name suggests. You'll understand if you listen. Then in Foody Goody, we continue our long-delayed "What Am I Eating: Liquid Edition" contest, which T-bone hosts with more flourish than usual in an effort to give us a sense of the drink's texture. Play along and see if you can guess what T-bone is quaffing, and to whom. And how is pudding gargled? Tell us your experience by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 2, 2008..This week's inventions and shit brought to you by Baba Ghanoush. You too could be featured in a Limited Appeal episode! Just email us with your ideas for a segment (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Anyway, Anfern-- sorry, Baba, suggests scratch and sniff underwear as a new invention. Turns out there are many scenarios in which this could be useful, including those pesky times when you can hardly stand the freshness of your underpants. If anyone is still listening, we'll also tell you why T-bone is perhaps always surrounded by exactly 400 people, and discuss whether scratching your ass is more or less embarrassing than farting. Another classic episode of Limited Appeal, even before we discuss the proper placement of brakelights during a hailstorm! Did I mention we're not big on segues? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 25, 2008..In case you were expecting us to tell you when you're meant to laugh while listening to this, you're in luck! Given that our podcast has limited appeal, we thought we would help you out by providing a laugh track on this one episode. In the first controversial segment, we try to name five sitcoms that the world would be better off without. See if you agree with our choices. Then in Good Idea/Bad Idea, we discuss whether laugh tracks are a good idea or a bad idea. We put some extra effort into making sure you're focussed on our show, by giving you lots of laugh track pauses. But I think we've found the right balance so the laugh track is barely noticeable, and certainly not annoying. If we're wrong, once you stop laughing you can email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to tell us we suck. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 18, 2008..Once again we come to the rescue for a curious listener who asked the titular question of google, and somehow landed at our site. Since until now we had little to help our new friend, we've decided to remedy things by answering his query. Maybe. Alternatively, we might just start digressing about whether birds get drunk, and then how to explain drinking scotch at work to your boss, and then maybe the preferred snackable form for alcohol dehydrogenase, or why the ancient egyptians performed circumcisions, and how. Or maybe this was all about cats. Look, if you want us to stay on topic, at least articulate your question in an interpretable form. Jackass! Anyway, we somehow answer the dude's question in the end ­ listen to find out how we figured it out. And send us your questions directly by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 12, 2008..In today's Nature Walk, Warren asks Luc whether there is such a thing as a Liger. Spoiler alert: yes there is. We're not sure about Jagther or hybrids of pandas and jaguars, or hybrids involving only male cats. But we have learned that google images has great photos of cross species mating! Then Luc discusses his trip to Africa. Did he spot any ligers? Spoiler alert: no. In spite of this upsetting absence of ligers as well as museums, he did nearly run over a cheetah, and he saw an enormous and aggressively horny bull elephant, leaking from multiple orifices. (Or is it orifi?) Spoiler alert: he survived. Express your disappointment with the prematurely revelatory nature of this description by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 4, 2008..We begin by trying to name five things: lands, but we end up asking many more questions than we can answer in this episode. Can you help us? Is Greenland a country? Is Luseland a land? Can you name 5 Reichs? What is your dependency status? Is Scotland a country or just a nation? Does Greenland have its own soccer team? Who plays for the Vatican's side? Have you ever eaten while crapping? (You should have been expecting a poo question in here somewhere.) Is the problem swallowing or chewing? Continuously or continually? Are you sick of these questions? Why? Would you like to email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net)? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 27, 2008..We begin by asking whether clairvoyant people ever mistake their memories of the future for memories of the past. We're so meta! Then in Foody Goody, Warren announces that we've all been eating bananas from the wrong end. Turns out, you're supposed to eat the bottom first, although now that I think of it, if you're one of the few who already knows this, then you'll probably start eating from the wrong end as a result of our advice. Anyway, it turns out there are lots of pros and cons for banana reversing, so you'll have supporters either way. If you're passionate about banana eating methods, or if you're a monkey and care to enlighten us about your technique (for eating bananas, flinging poo, or masturbating), please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 13, 2008..Warren begins this week by asking what is with the Dark Knight movie. Is it cursed, or a series of coincidences? Or poetry? All of the above? How much hoc is involved? Then in ETWTF we try explaining the Olympic opening ceremonies to an alien. If you are permanently employed as an opening ceremonies performer or planner, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to explain what the point is, and why it's so hard for you to manipulate your box. T-bone wakes up just in time to make a thoroughly confusing (and apparently obscence) contribution, and then we close with some brief comments on the late Bernie Mac. RIP Bernie, however old you are. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 7, 2008..This week we'll rush through things, because T-bone needs to shower off before meeting his male friend. John's leg-ass slapping makes Warren think about two-headed dogs for some reason. Then John relates his own dogging story, which involves all kinds of water sports. As usual, the amusement comes at John's expense. Then we make a decision tree concerning what a dog should do towards objects that smell like other dogs. Finally, Warren reminds everyone about the sex habits of Luc's dog. Have you ever used ropes in sex play? If yes, you might want to meet Relic. Email us to set it up (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 31, 2008..In case you were expecting us to have a few episodes without talking about defecating, this is what you get. In this week's Urban Legend, Warren exposes the truth about cats, milk, and diarrhoea. If you have a cat you might be disturbed to learn about what is best for it. Then Luc describes one of the (many) seminars he has seen about poop. In this case, he describes a lion scat full of quills from the porcupine he had eaten. Ouch! Why didn't he just eat meat? Finally, T-bone reveals a frightening but amusing lack of understanding about excretory physiology. If you work for the Ex-Lax company, please explain your brand name to us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 24, 2008..After John spanks T-bone and threatens to get out the genital cuff, Warren asks us whether Bob Saget has gone nuts as a way of psychologically coping with the Full House days. Listen and you might find out why Bob Saget got the part and whether James Earl Jones was involved. Then in a new Good Idea/Bad Idea segment, Warren asks us to consider the ethics of provoking seizures and migraines in epilectics. Is it morally equivalent to exploiting or decapacitating the deaf? These are important problems, even if decapacitate was not a word until just now. If you can help John and his bugs with some directions, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 14, 2008..In this week's nature walk, Warren, uses a racial slur that he learned from a DJ, and then offends the French for good measure! Can you come up with a better slur for Belgian colonialists than us? Probably. Send them to us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Anyway, Warren finally gets round to telling us about macaques, and their high mating frequencies. Then Luc explains what he knows about lion sex, and why it's better to share if you're a male lion, and why females might prefer to be homosexual. Naturally, this leads to reacharound talk. What else were you expecting? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 3, 2008..Luc starts this week's episode wondering about going through life talking like a fourth grader writing an exam. Warren tries it out, but has some troubles. Then we move into our "What would it take" segment, where we discuss what it would take for us to shave off all of our body hair. This leads us into a discussion of pricing of ass hair removal, which T-bone seems to know a lot about... most likely because of all his hottub adventures. Tell us about some of your hottub adventures at maskedman@limitedappeal.net.Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 23, 2008..Do you know the adjective form of the word adjective? It's like "deer", or something. If that's not clear, have a listen and you'll soon figure it out, maybe. Then join us on a nature walk, where we'll discuss tuna recruitment. Sign up today! You'll be treated to a riveting discussion of aquaculture and stem cells. Listen and see if anyone mentions salmon before Warren, or if he's cheaply trying to excuse a musical interlude. Finally, the conversation degrades (as you might have predicted) into talk about John releasing clouds of ejaculate on the side of the road. Luc tries to rerail the discussion by bringing up sneaky fuckers, which makes John wonder why the big dude doesn't notice a massive cloud of foreign sperm whenever he mates. If you can explain this as a sneaker, an alpha male, or a female mimic, please send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 11, 2008..This week we find ourselves back on a Nature Walk when Warren asks if there is an Animal Kingdom equivalent to a strip club. This leads to the surprisingly contested revelation that most animals don't wear clothes, since that appears to be required for stripping, unless of course you include sheep that shear themselves. Those sexy sheep are asking for it! Then T-bone points out that dogs with coats are really just accentuating their nude bottom halves. Disturbing, eh? It's even more disturbing when you realize that their owners are responsible for this emphasis of the genitals. Finally, Luc presents a little natural history that is promptly and predictably distorted. Do you think peacocks are more likely to attend a brothel or a strip club? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 3, 2008..We open with lots of dramatic music to emphasize the exciting nature of this episode. We return to the Superhero's Phone Booth to discuss a Romanian superhero: Pumaman! Don't be terrified, because Pumaman only uses his Puma-abilities, death-feigning skills, and confusing nomenclature for non-evil purposes. Does this guy remind you of Manimal? Us too. It might even have been the same show. Then we learn that there are lots of words for pumas. How many can you come up with? Finally, Warren reveals the weakness in Pumaman's death feigning ability, which is a total lack of control over when it happens and how long it lasts. If you can think of any way that fainting would be effective against shit-throwing gorillas or other villains, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 27, 2008..The image for T-bone's Skype profile gets us talking about boobs and defensive eye position (except in water, which is a totally different ball park, of course). For those of you who didn't know the relationship between boobs and predation, you're welcome. In Foody Goody, we present part 3 of round 2 of What Am I Eating (Liquid Edition). See if you can guess what Warren is drinking (and to whom) based on very few audio clues! If you don't care, that probably reflects a healthy perspective on what is important, and what is ridiculously pointless. Assuming you can be bothered, feel free to email us to express your indifference (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 20, 2008..Warren kicks off the week by announcing his upcoming trip to Florida, which initiates a brainstorming session in which we try to avoid copyright infringement regarding the behaviour of drunken women at spring break and their boobs. Then in Pooh Corner, Luc asks what the world should do to compensate for the mistreatment of homosexuals during the holocaust. Says, our suggestion is likely to offend almost everyone, even though, contrary to Warren's first impression, we're NOT suggesting the rounding-up of anyone. The result really would be like Cape Cod, but with show tunes! If you want to support our idea, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 13, 2008..This evening, we bring you some tomato-flavoured muffcake. Warren uses the Rotten Tomatoes scale to determine the "best" song in the world, or at least the song that the most people did not find objectionable. But John quickly fucks up Warren's candidate. Is this a good way to categorize things? Tell us whether you think the rotten tomatoes scale is objectionable or not by giving it a thumbs up or down, and sending it to our email address (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). In Foody Goody, we decide what the difference is between a muffin and a cupcake. This turns out to be a very touchy subject, mainly because John is a testy bitch. Nevertheless, we finally agree on the difference. Listen to hear about our long-awaited solution to this important problem! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 6, 2008..This week's superhero's phone booth is filled with a sultry girl gorilla. Would it even get to the point where she gets shit thrown at her? Turns out she's got large breasts. Does that change anything? A swollen ass? A G-string? No? Well, then you and Warren don't share tastes in sultry gorillas. Next, Warren insists we all know the song by ZZ Top, She's Got Legs. What is the feminine version of the line, "She's got legs, she knows how to use them"? I'm sure you have better ideas than we do. Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 29, 2008..In this week's Polish the Bishop segment, Warren asks us to change an existing euphemism so that it refers to something less offensive than it currently does. He probably wants to avoid having to think about the horrific behaviour involved in the current definition, but ironically, he just succeeds in burning some imagery into the rest of us (and you too, if you dare to listen). Fucker. What is the preferred way to serve chopped up penises? Send your recipes by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then T-bone suggests that the chili dog is mainly for people who have sex with their enemies. Luc realizes (far too late) that the segment has gone terribly wrong. You'll probably agree whether or not you manage to listen to the whole episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 23, 2008..We launch this week with an especially exasperating version of a Name 5 Things/Foody Goody crossover, in which Warren asks us to name 5 animals other than a pig from which one can obtain bacon, given that the definition of bacon is "a side of a pig, cured and smoked". Doesn't that sound riveting? Well maybe not, but I haven't even started to describe the undiscovered (until now) linguistic and anatomical problems involved in this. Be prepared, as we loosen a few definitions, among other things. If you know whether turkey fat is healthy or not, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 15, 2008..We begin this episode by discovering how hard it is to replace every single "u" in any word with "me". It's trme, even if it is infmeriating. Then we ask why Sm-me-rfs are bl-me. OK, fuck it, we ask why Smurfs are blue (perhaps for the second time). Is their singing just a cover for village wide depression, or are they not getting enough oxygen? And is their size related to the presence of lungs? This topic gets Luc angry about insect-related liberties taken by Hollywood over the years, including the male-ness of the protagonist in Seinfeld's Bee Movie. Warren decides this issue requires us to deliver another ultimatum, which is as pointless as ever. If, in your standing as a spokesbee, you wish to clarify your shoe-wearing status, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 9, 2008..Even more goody foody! Luc hosts this segment in our continuation of "What am I eating: liquid edition." He produces some weird sounds that may or may not come from his pants. In the course of the guessing, we discuss the Hartford Whalers, the marriage of Dave Simonot way back when, and whether being a sex slave depends on whether you enjoy it. We also provide some useful advice for life, including: "Just sit there and take it!", which is good advice for working your way through a drink with a bead-filled straw, or for listening to an episode of Limited Appeal, for that matter. If you work for Nestle and want to buy us headsets in appreciation for plugging your products, contact us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 1, 2008..Our mail sack has been punched once again, but this time we asked for it. Warren had submitted our feed to the website Culture.ca, who (wisely) rejected our application to be listed. The reason they gave us was that we "use an abundance of coarse language. For the moment we are not able to inform our users on this, yakkety, yakkety, blah, blah". Fuckers! We're waiting for the moment that technology is invented, so the public from Culture.ca can finally overcome their antipathy towards human tails. If you have any ideas for content we could include in a special podcast just for culture.ca, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 25, 2008..Mmmmm, foody goody! Warren asks what other types of ketchup there are other than tomato. That of course necessitates us defining the ketchup continuum, and describing the controversial difference between ketchup and marmalade. Listen and discover if you agree! You may also want to imagine a visit to our backwards delivery restaurant, which may or may not mean exactly what you think it does. Then, after a quick stop by wikipedia, we discover that our ridiculus ketchup ideas were tame by the standards of the Middle Ages back in the 40's. Do you have crazy ketchup experiences to relate to us? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 19, 2008..Good morning friends! This week we discuss the ribald adventures of Timmy, the Energy Bear. He's got all kinds of good qualities, provided you like a few extras photons and don't have a pacemaker, a defibrillator, or battery-operated implants. Predictably, the idea of battery operated breast implants gets T-bone rather excited, and for some reason he starts imagining all kinds of ass-related operating procedures for them. You'll have to listen to hear his reasoning. What kind of would you like for your boobs? Let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 10, 2008..In this episode we inaugurate a new segment, called "Who the fuck cares?" John predicts his perpetual answer, but by the end of the segment he has completely changed his mind. In the first edition, Warren derides musical theatre, mainly because of the continual singing. He also ruins Phantom of the Opera for T-Bone by revealing (SPOILER ALERT!!) that it is stupid. Finally, John tries to reach out (or is it around?) to Warren by agreeing that show tunes outside the context of musicals are gay. If you care to suggest a topic that we might care or not care about, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 4, 2008..Welcome to season 3! (3) We are at least as surprised as you are that our podcast has, to date, featured such an unlimited number of ridiculous topics and equally ridiculous perspectives on them. We'll be equally surprised if the 10,000th download gets anything in the mail. Meh. We start our third season with Round 2 of "What Am I Eating?": Liquid Edition. Just as in Round 1, each of us will eat something (er, drink something) and the others need to guess what is being drunk, and to whom. Why, you ask? Good point. Anyway, our guesswork is a bizarrely satisfying exercise if you like pointless reacharound-directed contests. If you do, stay tuned for the continuation of our contest in a future episode. If not, hopefully you like a bit of disappointment. Send us your responses by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 26, 2008..In this last episode of season 2, we feature our attempt to name five "bad bathroom things" to put in your mouth, not including bathroom cleaning products. Harder than you think, in part because of the restrictions Warren imposes on the segment, but especially because the discussion comes off the rails with a digression on toilet brush manufacture. Hard to believe a topic centered around all kinds of horrible things that could be in a bathroom would get us on a tangent. If you're as surprised as we are, express yourself via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Tune in next week for the beginning of a brand new season and our 100th episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 20, 2008..Pour yourself a drink and get ready for this morning's episode. We start by promoting sandwich meat awareness in this week's Foody Goody. Warren wants a single term to describe a pre-sliced unit of lunchmeat. He has a lot of time on his hands. And so do we, I guess. In fact, you're listening to this crap, so YOU have a lot of time on your hands, too! Congratulations. Anyway, since you apparently have tons of free time, you might want to listen to last week's episode, "Meat mountain of badness" to make sense of some of this conversation. It won't make a lot of sense, but perhaps some. Anyway, all of this talk of edible animal trimmings leads Warren to ask about Haggis, on which Luc is not really an expert. If you would like to develop our idea for specialty haggises for nicotine addicts, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 8, 2008..You may wish to follow Warren's lead and try to eject early. As it turns out, all kinds of crazy shit happens at Warren's workplace, especially in the elevator. Now, now, don't get any perverse ideas. Those things may happen, but Warren apparently finds them to be perfectly normal compared to the questions he fields from strangers and the pubes he finds on his soap. If you have suggestions for how Warren should have responded to the elevator interview, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We somehow segue into a discussion of dentists, their names, and their boobs, and we close with T-bone's first rule of reflexology. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 30, 2008..Warren begins this week's episode with a complaint about the Snuggle Bear, spokes-animal for Snuggle Fabric softener. Either he's a real dick, or Warren has a low threshold for assholeishness. Anyway, we spend some time poking holes in the logic behind the ad campaign, and T-bone wonders if the Snuggle Bear is a pervert. What kind of guy uses fabric softener? We actually don't know. What happens if you don't use any form of fabric softener? Does that make your clothes sharp and glasslike? Then in a Nature Walk Luc suggests that it's a good thing women can't store sperm like insects, and T-bone learns why insemination in insects is like a video game. If you can store or sort sperm in your cheeks or anywhere else, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 22, 2008..The intro might make more sense if it came at the end of the episode. But then it wouldn't be an intro, I guess. Anyway, you'll figure out if you can be bothered. And if not, never mind, because we'll distract you by discussing the feats of a Nova Scotian mythical hero. If you think you know why Glooscap is famous, you're probably wrong. Then in Dictionary Plus Warren asks where the phrase "tit for tat" comes from. This leads us to address the long-unanswered question: what do a baloney sandwich and a hamster have in common? Survey your friends and see if anyone can come up with a better solution. If you find one, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 15, 2008..T-bone starts by suggesting a hair-based exfoliant, before Warren warns everyone about how sharp hair can be (especially the pointy end), based on the story of a Nova Scotian hairdresser who contracted a nasty infection because forgot to wear the appropriate safety equipment. You've been warned! Then Warren relates a (censored) story about how a lunchtime conversation with his boss about Popeye's Chicken (Warren has a very boring job) turned into a conversation about a perverted email sex video featuring a naked headstand and a carton of milk. That's probably as much as you really want to know, but we discuss it at length anyway to fulfil our promise of having limited appeal. If you understand this video or participated in filming it, please do not email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 7, 2008..We start by helping out another frustrated internet searcher who for some reason stumbled onto our website after googling "the sexy girl machines". Of course our website had no information on this, until now. Much of our discussion is focused on the use of a definite article in his search phrase, which is probably not what the dude was bargaining for. Anyway, T-bone quickly rescues the segment by telling us about his one-time girlfriend's fondness for sitting on the clothes dryer. You SHOULD be intrigued. Then in Urban Legend, Warren describes how The Flintstones was based on a true story, supported by "overwhelming archaeological evidence". Turns out the fact that they wrote stuff on stone tablets means there's a treasure trove of artefacts with which we can learn about our past. Sigh. If you have questions about Warren's methods of attribution, or wish to electronically punch him in the neck, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 20, 2007..Look, we're busy. And last year's episode was no worse than most, so you can just calm down and listen again. Or not. If you were expecting something new, well, this is what you get. Tune in after the holidays for a brand new episode, but in the meantime, Merry Tedmas! During this holy time of peace, giving and family, we bring to you tidings of great joy, and ask age-old questions about why angels have trees in their asses. And some other things. Then we discuss the pros and cons of the Santa Claus myth. If you want to ask T-bone how Sex was personified as a character during his upbringing, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then Luc reveals the frightening, sinister side of Santa who might stuff you into a big sack and carry you away. Are you scared, bitch? Sticking with the theme, in ETWTF we ask how one might explain Santa (or Ted) to aliens. Merry Tedmas, everyone!

Dec 17, 2007..T-bone introduces his favourite new shooter girl, Taylor. Warning: what follows is stereotypically sexist banter. If you were expecting anything else, well, you know the motto. Anyhoo, turns out Taylor managed to convince T-bone that she is not very bright despite outwitting him in an argument. Then, at long last, we discuss how much should boobs cost. We know about as much about plastic surgery as we do about anything else. Then, in Foody Goody, we feature the 4th in our series of "What am I Eating" segments. As usual, you won't be able to hear any audio cues, but play along anyway. To suggest better versions or our terrible contest, please email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We probably won't listen, but email us anyway. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 10, 2007..In a Limited Appeal first, we spend the entire episode this week dealing with our mail sack, overflowing with a single mail from Louie Lawent, author of "The Louie/God Interviews (What The Big Fella Really Thinks About Man And The Universe)." He has suggested that we feature snippets from his book on our show, so we do. Are people really like radio songs? If you've also wondered this, could you please fucking explain it to me, because I don't get it. I'm not sure if our conversation will provide Louie with the kind of "boost" he is after; judge for yourself whether our promo credentials are well justified. If you have a book you would like us to promote, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) containing a few quotations of your choosing, and we promise that we may or may not read and/or deride it and/or suggest more toastlike versions of it in an episode. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Dec 3, 2007..Warren's Urban Legend this week, in keeping with the pattern for this segment of being total horseshit, is that skunk spray was formerly used to keep women virginal before chastity belts were invented. Where the spray was applied is a matter of debate, but Warren insists that it was used in the most offensive way possible. What sound does a spraying skunk make after its scent gland has been removed? Listen and find out. And if you can still manage to maintain an erection despite having been neutered, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 26, 2007..We start with a good idea/bad idea segment in which we evaluate an advertising campaign for soap featuring loose pubic hair. Naturally, we wonder why Old Spice wants us to scrub away all our pubic hairs, especially if we're sharing a shower with a big hairy dude, or perhaps even with a small seemingly hairless woman, like the kind T-bone dates. In the second half, we discuss variations on soap involving food and corpses. Intrigued? Would you like to have your friends and family infusing you with pubes after you die? How come? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 19, 2007..We start this week in style by risking massive litigation. If you're confused, see episode Brown Toothpaste. Then Warren tells yet another story about his very strange workplace. It involves a questionable segue between a story about cruelty to squirrels and a considerably darker story we can't even describe because it's way too disturbing. Aren't you glad you don't work with Warren and his colleagues? Me too. Thankfully, Warren rescues us from the utterly disgusting by bringing up autofellatio. Then we try to name five things people can't be allergic to. Think it's easy? Then you haven't appreciated the finer philosophical points inherent in the question. Allow us to enlighten you. If you wish to thank us for being so illuminating, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 12, 2007..Which Sesame Street characters had their shit together, do you think? And which ones always got duped? If you don't know, we'll tell you. And use this excellent excuse for playing Snuffy's song. La la la, la la la la! Then Luc asks whether dogs suffer ring-sting echo. Listen for the full explanation, but be warned that the subject matter is as lowbrow as you think, or possibly even lower. For example, an on-topic question related to this conversation: "Imagine how bad your piss would taste if you're eating coal!" My guess is this is not a common topic in your average podcast. Yet another niche exploited by Limited Appeal. If you know of any other obscure topics that deserve our thorough treatment, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Nov 5, 2007..What if everyone, all at the same time, got bitten by an animal? Make sure you don't fall into the trap of taxonomic bias ? an animal can be something that's not a plant or fungus or prokaryote. If you follow this logic through, you'll realize that there was probably a moment in history when everyone actually was bitten by something. Don't believe us? Check your eyebrows. When you're finished, Warren will provide you with another urban legend on the origin of the plumber's snake. It's harder to believe than the fact that everyone was bitten at the same time at some point in the middle ages. If you feel a sharp pang in the back of your neck, and you have neither a mullet nor any scalp mites, it's probably Warren's bullshit story giving you a headache. Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if you want to complain. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 29, 2007..This week's episode kicks off with a Nature Walk, in which Warren announces the limited circumstances in which cows dream. Unpredictably, this eventually leads to poo talk, and Luc explains a recent (real) experiment he conducted that featured cow patties. Can you guess who ruined the poo experiment? You may or may not be surprised. If you are interested in a career in cow poo science, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 22, 2007..We start with John taking his turn at hosting "What am I eating?". Listen very carefully, because there's always a chance he might "reward himself", so to speak. Play along with your friends and try to guess what he's eating in spite of the lack of audio clues. You can't possibly do any worse than T-bone, even if you don't have KY all over your hands. After T-bone cleans himself up, Warren asks why the seven deadly sins are not properly covered in the Ten Commandments, and issues another (terrible) ultimatum. Somehow the lesson from our banter is that actors should refrain from morally objectionable roles. I know, it's bullshit. Tell us why you think so via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 15, 2007..After a suspenseful delay, we finally continue our fascinating (to some?) discussion of pudding. If you've had enough pudding already, skip ahead to 4:00. If you missed the last episode, you may want to start with that one first. We'll wait. Go on! Right. Now that you're finally back (Jesus!), you can start by hearing John's (perhaps predictably) angry reaction to the existence of lava molecules. Then Luc reaffirms that pudding (or puddinging) should be a verb. Why? Maybe we need more words with a double i-n-g. Or maybe not. Finally, we break down and look some shit up, and the results are mind-blowing. If your world has also been rocked by our etymological discussions, let us know with an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Oct 2, 2007..We begin this week by discussing the parameters of pudding in Foody Goody. Turns out having glass shards is no obstacle to being pudding, but being sliced is. If you're confused by this because you grew up outside North America, this segment won't help. What if you put lava into pudding? What if there's enough pudding to cool the lava? Just as we get going with the metaphysical implications of this, we need to break ? stay tuned for pudding part 2 next week! Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 26, 2007..We start with Luc trying to interpret the phrase "Actually kicking the shit out of them." Fair warning: this discussion involves poop. Then, in Name Five Things, Warren asks us to list candidates for replacing the suits in a deck of cards. Once again we will amaze you with our thing-naming capacity. Really. Or by our revelations on the future of cards. Or maybe with how long it takes us to come up with five things. Whatever. It doesn't matter ? I made a point. Finally, Warren announces "Moot Point" day, even though it will have already passed by the time this episode airs. Tell us how you celebrated via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 19, 2007..Warren begins by describing the experience of listening to the worst song he has ever heard: "I've got my mind set on you", by George Harrison. But since Weird Al spoofed it, it couldn't have been that bad. Too bad Weird Al can't count. Dumbass. At least we get to play some new transition music, and hope he doesn't sue us. Then we reach back into the mailsack, where someone left a comment via our myspace page. Is "bitch" a gender-specific word? Tell us what you bastards think by sending us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 10, 2007..John starts us off by telling us about his frightening visit to a stag the night before the recording, and this somehow turns into a discussion of Warren's influence on the spread of STD's. Then, after a short delay so John can catch up to the rest of us, we move to Polish the Bishop (with exciting new segment music), in which we discuss the possible euphemistic meaning of the phrase "Support the Troop(s)". If you own a male push-up thong, first put on a ball cap for safety reasons, and then please explain why: send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Sep 4, 2007..After an especially Fraggley introduction, we talk about the most disgusting picture on the Internet, which none of us has seen. Apparently, though, it's nasty. If you have a copy, send it to Warren only in a disguised link. Then Warren asks which of the Golden Girls we would most like as a roommate. We shouldn't have been surprised when T-Bone jumped to conclusions about what being a roommate involves. If you would like to move in with him, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 23, 2007..In this week's Nature Walk, we discuss a quote by William S. Burroughs: "Which came first: the intestine or the tapeworm?" Turns out that the answer depends a lot on how you define a tapeworm, and an intestine, and the word "the". Then we present the inaugural edition of a new segment: Good Idea, Bad Idea. Warren's suggestion for discussion is an early 16th century Mexican tradition that a widow must not wash for 80 days during mourning after a man's death, then scrape off the accumulated crud, wrap it in paper, and give it to the priest. Let us know if you think this practice (or the segment itself) is a good idea or a bad idea by sending us some email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 16, 2007..In Alcoholics Says, for a change we discuss an alcohol-related story rather than something one of us is drinking. Apparently there's a Russian word for a period of continuous drunkenness that lasts at least two days. Warren somehow thinks this, in addition to the fact that 43% of deaths for men aged 30-50 are caused by drinking poisonous liquids in an attempt to get (or stay) drunk, indicates a problem. What do you think? If you are sober enough to type, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). If you're not sober enough, perhaps you need to go into training; you can start by growing a moustache. Then we present round 2 of our "What am I eating?" contest. Just like in round 1, it's impossible to hear many audio clues, but we don't let that stop us from guessing. Please play along, and prepare to be amazed by T-bone's culinary dedication! Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 9, 2007..OK, all you word-liking bitches, we begin with Dictionary Plus so that we can explore what exactly futs are, either now, or at some stage in the future. Does that description make any sense? Doesn't matter: it's good enough. Then Luc reports on who is winning and how many are dead from the field, where he has just returned from a safari. Apparently, the rhinos are pretty dangerous and require their own rhino clown. But Warren is more frightened of the monkeys. Luc is also afraid of the chimps, but only because of the serious scrotal problems. If you've ever experienced genital discomfort because of an interaction with a non-human ape, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Aug 3, 2007..This week's episode starts as an urban legend and ends as an inventions and shit segment. Warren provides a public service by warning everyone about how many poop molecules get stuck to a toothbrush that is left near the toilet, and the conversation that follows is predictably unsettling. In spite of how nonsensical Warren's premise is, we spend a lot of time trying to solve this problem, and even reveal a heretofore top-secret invention by a friend of ours that may involve anal staples. Let us know what you think via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 26, 2007..Just in case you didn't get enough of last week's topic, this episode features more rectal goodness ­ see episode Luc's Special Honey for the preamble. John is surprised to discover that honeydew comes from an aphid's ass, but after some discussion appears to get excited about the prospect of drinking honeydew. We discuss the commercial possibilities and marketing challenges. In the superhero's phone booth, Warren proposes Biowarfare Chick, who mutates viruses after getting their attention, and "sicks" them on criminals. We accidentally stumble on the weakness of her crime procurement strategy: personal hygiene. And the delay between infection and illness. And the fact that every innocent bystander will also probably get sick. If you can think of any other weaknesses in this superhero, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 18, 2007..Starting this week, Luc will be reporting from far afield for the indefinite future. (Translation, his audio is a bit weird, and we don't know why or how to fix it.) This week we determine analogous foods to honey, produced by other animals than bees. Of course, it would help if we had the vaguest idea how honey is made, which we don't. But that doesn't stop us from speculating on this subject and on how bird reproduction works. Then, entirely by accident, Warren stumbles on a rather good analogy for bees, which is aphid-farming ants. The moral of the story: aphids are like bees. To express your appreciation for this insight, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jul 10, 2007..Today's episode features the first instalment of our new contest: What am I eating? This contest will stretch over several weeks or months, and each of us will take a turn at stumping the others with clues in the form of audible mastication (I said mastication, you pervert). The winner will receive an as-yet unspecified prize. Feel free to play along, but keep in mind that our audio isn't very good, and you won't win a prize even if you're much better at guessing than we are. Submit your entries via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). After we finish dining, we move on to discuss asymmetry in testicular positioning (except for Warren). Warren claims to have conducted an experiment supporting a theory, and this leads to all kinds of epistemological discussion on the nature of scientific theories, and the covariance between testicular and penile positioning. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 26, 2007..John starts us off this week with an epileptic introduction. Then Warren revives a segment we haven't had in a long time by introducing a new, darker superhero. This guy turns 8-track tapes into weaponized bibles. Yeah. You read that correctly. Actually, they're just fucking bibles, but Warren likes to call them "weaponized" because he's a dick. If you think the whole setup is terrible, wait till you hear his name. I want to punch Warren in the neck right now, just thinking about it. If you feel the same way, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 20, 2007..This week we begin with another segment of "Urban Legend", in which Warren guarantees you cancer if you eat 30 mushrooms or 15 000 pounds of bacon every day. T-bone volunteers to test this guarantee in order to trash his vagina. Nope, it doesn't make any more sense when you listen to the full segment either. Then, in the "Nature Walk", Warren describes exhibitionist mammals at a Home Show, and this leads to much discussion about the solo sex lives of non-human animals. Finally, Luc asks what is wrong with masturbating in public. If you think you know, tell us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 13, 2007..This is a vegetarian episode, as sadly there is no T-bone in this one. To begin this week, you guessed it, we discuss the word "cocksure". We get a bit distracted during the discussion: we consider the "universal opposite", and discuss why gruntled, flammable, and famous can't be made into antonyms with the usual prefixes. When we try to get back on topic, we end up chatting about "Happy Days". Then we discover the imitative origin of the words "cock" and "Warren". This reminds Warren of one of his co-workers who schedules "evening" meetings at 2 pm. We've censored random words in this discussion for no good reason at all. Our assumption is that your imagination is much funnier than our actual conversation. If you're feeling shitsure and think you know what the opposite of "says" is, email us with your suggestion (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jun 6, 2007..We start out this week by trying to name 5 things that are not translucent. You'll have to listen to see if we could do it! Refer to episode Floppy Sock to hear us successfully name 5 things that are translucent. If you have an idea for us to name 5 things, send us an email at maskedman@limitedappeal.net. And don't worry - it doesn't have to be a good idea. Then we discuss why tall buildings don't have a thirteenth floor. Or why we should have to pay for a ferry boat with giraffes instead of cash. Damn that Hammurabi!Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 29, 2007..We start with another segment of Alcoholics Says. Warren introduces a new drink, which we attempt to find a catchy name for. This is kind of a pointless exercise, because Warren's own impression is that the drink is terrible. We do however stumble on Buckley's secret recipe! (Please do not sue us Mr. Buckley.) In a new low, Warren asks what it would take for each of us to eat our own poo. Sorry. I strongly recommend you don't listen to this segment. Seriously. If you insist, feel free to email us your complaints (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 22, 2007..We begin by explaining headcheese to John in our latest Foody Goody segment. This leads to a discussion of why such a comestible can be called cheese, and we conclude that a food can be called anything as long as one of the words in its name is true. T-bone's anxiety about eating pig's feet is deepened when Luc describes how mushrooms are grown. Warren then asks when LOL is no longer sufficient to placate an offended text message recipient. Surprisingly, this leads to a whole lot of offensive conversation. We hope you're not offended (DNOEI!!!), but if you are, let us know in a cryptic acronym-ridden email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 14, 2007..We begin with Warren attempting to impress us with his extensive knowledge of cricket, but we think he's full of shit. However, if your name is Tarnqvist and you know what silly-mid-off means, let us know (email maskedman@limitedappeal.net) so Warren can gloat. Then in Dictionary Plus, Warren asks why felching is so popular it's been dignified with a name. If you don't know what felching is, we can't help you. Try our old friend Google Images! Finally, in this week's Nature Walk, Luc describes a calf with an unusual eating habit. Moral of the story: never question a sacred cow, because he probably just cut himself shaving. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 8, 2007..We start this week's episode with a Nature Walk, in which Warren asks what animal we would most like to speak English. None of the answers make any sense, but I suppose that's not very surprising. Nor is John's affection for wildebeests. In Dictionary Plus, Warren asks for a non-offensive word for blitzkrieg, just in case you need to use it at church. Those ushers, they get out of control sometimes. If you know a bad Craig, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

May 1, 2007..This week we feature a prolonged Nature Walk, in which Warren asks why some people refuse to eat cute animals. Would you eat tuna if it were accidentally caught in a dolphin net? Naturally this topic leads to questions about prohibitions against sex with animals, especially rabbits. (What did you expect?) Luc questions why the Bible recommends the execution of animal victims of rape. Warren then asks us whether we would consent to our pet having a sexual relationship with a person. This of course leads us to wonder how to determine whether a pet is consensual. If you know the answer, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 24, 2007..Once Johnzo stops picking at it, we realize someone has punched us in the mail sack. Apparently some guy or girl left a comment on our myspace page complaining about belching in a recent episode. Curiously, she didn't complain about the rectal prolapse segment. Different folks, we guess. T-bone conditionally addresses her complaint, subject to the cooperation of Coca-cola and its corporate cronies. In the Urban Legend, Warren explains the origin of the phrase "riding shotgun". If you operate a bakery near Naples, you might consider erecting some protective barriers out front. If you know what riding shotgun is called when a woman is driving, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 17, 2007..What does it take to have the rights to play "What Does It Take" by Honeymoon Suite? We don't know. But Johnzo isn't offering much. In Dictionary Plus, we try to determine how to revoke a "please". Hey, we're always trying to help. If you work for the Oxford English Dictionary, contact us via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, Warren issues an ultimatum to Ricky Gervais for stealing our format and making it funny. A reminder for anyone who is expecting us to be as funny as Ricky Gervais: this is what you get. Finally, we suggest a euphemism for smelly feet. Try it out when the guy next to you on the plane takes his shoes off. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 9, 2007..Our website tracker tells us what search terms lead visitors to the website, and we noticed recently that one inquisitive surfer stumbled onto our site after asking Google, "How do you know if your ballsack is shrinking". Recognizing that said web surfer must have been disappointed in our lack of shrinking ballsack-related web content, we decided to correct the situation. Do you have a question for our sexual health panel? Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, what would it take for you to agree to attend a 700$ per plate event at which The Beach Boys play? If you are a fan of either The Beach Boy or the beach guyz, you probably won't appreciate our answers. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Apr 2, 2007..We start with another Urban Legend in which Warren proposes that ingesting very small amounts of a substance produces the opposite of its effect in large doses. So for example, a small amount of caffeine might put you to sleep. Confused? It's kinda like, um, magnets. One end of the magnet is like a small amount of coffee, and the other end . . . ah fuck it. It's total bullshit. In Dictionary Plus, Warren proposes the elimination of two words from the English language. Then we remark on the imprecision entailed in the "half-mile club". Our new recommendations help distinguish all kinds of sexual groupings in planes. If you have any further suggestions, let us know by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 26, 2007..This week we return to Foody Goody after a long lapse to briefly discuss Warren's Chinese Wedding experience, complete with bloody shark-fin soup. Then, in Pooh Corner, we ask how arms manufacturers sleep at night. Turns out you don't become the CEO of an Arms Manufacturing company by accident. Who knew? In the course of the conversation, we end up promoting two movies and one book, and Warren even suggests an improvement for the book title. We'll be expecting a cut from the producers and publisher shortly. To arrange the payment, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 19, 2007..Johnzo proposes a new insult invoking Braille and gooseflesh. In Pooh Corner, Warren asks why skill-testing questions are required for contest-winners. Answer: we don't know. Now skip ahead to 5:20. Warren asks what would happen if everyone, all at once, mosh-pitted, and this naturally leads us to naked slides and John Tesh. Admit it, you're curious. Finally, Luc corrects T-Bone about whether snails have asses. What they do with that arrangement is their own business. If you have any snail-porn, send it to us: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 12, 2007..We start with "What Would It Take" corner, and Warren asks what it would take for each of us to agree to sell his soul. Luc undersells everyone (perhaps a bit impulsively) before he realizes he has relinquished both his thermostat and his TUMS. A foolish man and his digestive aids are soon parted. As our resident philosopher, Johnzo finally comes to the rescue and explains exactly what to expect when we die: either nothing happens, or something happens. Profound shit, enh? We wrap up the episode with a considerably less-controversial subject: Hitler's mustache and his charisma. Were they related? Email us with your opinion (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Mar 5, 2007..All this talk of climate change has Warren worrying about obesity in squirrels. What happens if there's no winter to stop them from overindulging in nuts? This conversation segues seamlessly and predictably into talk about monkey masturbation. Warren's hypothesis is that if a monkey is awake, it is probably masturbating. T-Bone suggests that, contrary to popular opinion, excessive masturbation leads to hair loss on certain parts of the monkey anatomy. In another amazing transition, our conversation steers towards exercise programs for fat monkeys and adolescents that involve masturbation and/or video games. If you are a monkey or an adolescent, or know the aerobic value of their masturbatory habits, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 26, 2007..We begin this week with a brand new drinks-related segment, Alcoholics Says. It's meant to be the opposite of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you don't find that funny, see Episode Four Plus. If it's still not funny, well, fuck you. Our relatively innocuous conversation about drinks soon turns into a rather nasty discussion about all kinds of ass-related ailments. We even discover which children's toy is the perfect analogy for a certain rectal problem. If you have a sphincter story to tell, or want medical advice on how to get your prolapse under control, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 19, 2007..In this week's episode, we begin with Sportage, and develop several exciting alternative rule sets for curling. How could curling possibly get more exciting? Just listen and find out. (OK, here's a hint: our ideas include fighting, exploding rocks, and bags of pubic hair.) As if that's not exciting enough, at one point Johnzo admits he has never seen Lanny McDonald naked. Loser! In Dictionary Plus, Warren asks us to find the opposite of the phrase, "There ain't no telling, I reckon." This predictably leads to a high-minded discussion about fuckin' epistemology. If you think you know the age of the tree from Dead Man Walking, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 12, 2007..We start this week with the first ever Urban Legend segment that is NOT introduced by Warren, about goats and coffee. This leads T-Bone to propose a new method for getting drugs into your system. We take no legal responsibility for anyone who wishes to attempt T-Bone's suicidal technique. In sportage, Warren plays 3 NHL goal horns and following musical and asks us to guess the city from which the montages originated. The winner gets, well, just guess. If you want to complain about the redundant use of Blur music in NHL arenas, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Feb 5, 2007..We start off this week by discussing the censorship of naughty and/or offensive lyrics. If you're an impressionable youth who can be unduly influenced by suggestive language, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net), and we'll fill your brain with all kinds of great ideas. Later, we have a chat about Gonzo the Muppet's sexual obsession with chickens. What the hell is Gonzo, anyway? And what does he get out of catching cannonballs? The definitive (or, one might say, the conanical) answers to these and other questions are certainly not in this episode. But have a listen anyway, will you? Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 29, 2007..We start with a new kind of (as-yet unnamed) segment, in which Warren asks us to name five translucent things. Pointless you say? Maybe. OK, definitely pointless. But it's no worse than most of our banter, right? Maybe? Well, to make up for it, Warren discusses how painful his wisdom tooth surgery was, even though he was given every anaesthetic known to man. Can you guess where they injected his drugs when they couldn't find a vein? Finally, we try to find an analogy for a painful medical condition: the three-day erection. How long did your most persistent erection last? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-Ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 22, 2007..Welcome to Season 2! If you want to convey your surprise, congratulations, or disappointment that we're still producing this ridiculous podcast after more than a year, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). This week, after acknowledging General Patton vs. the X-ecutioners for our flashy new music, we move on to our first segment of the brand new season, Polish the Bishop, in which we attempt to decipher a cryptic euphemism. This leads to the quotable quip by T-Bone: "Why doesn't she just use a pair of socks?" In Urban Legend, Warren surprises us all by telling the truth for once, and it's at least as infuriating as when he's completely full of shit. Theme music courtesy of General Patton vs. The X-ecutioners and Ipecac Recordings.

Jan 15, 2007..In this special double-segment, we wrap up our infamous Who's That Bird segment and award our long-awaited reacharound. In a surprise twist, we decide that the loser must provide said reacharound. Nevertheless, John maintains his strategy of being a complete jackass. Will it pay off? Listen, and find out! Learn about the accordion-shaped white laughing bird, the weeping football cannibal bird, and the two-fisted marine fisher in round one! As if that's not enough, we still have time to discuss Rich Little, the Three Stooges, and Toucan Sam before announcing a winner. Email us at maskedman@limitedappeal.net. See the final results in our Extras section.

Jan 8, 2007..We start by asking why there are no milkmen any more (especially in light of their reproductive success). That segment really sets the bar low for the rest of the episode. Next Warren tells a story about a waitress who used to be a phone sex operator, and often spoke of manmilk (do you get the theme yet?). If you have ever called a phone sex line and heard of manmilk, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Finally, Luc asks where you would like to obtain samples if you studied semen: your supervisor, your brother, a homeless guy, or a needle right into the "testes satchel"?

Jan 1, 2007..We know Tedmas is over, but since Ted has had such a huge influence on our culture, we thought naming a second episode after him was OK. We start with an Urban Legend segment exploring the origin of shirt wearing among human men. Turns out a nipple-tweaking prank got way out of hand, and no one could get anything done. Pretty obvious in hindsight, eh? Then we take a Nature Walk and discuss the reintroduction of Bearded Vultures to the Alps. Just like John, they don?t eat meat but they sure like the bone. Somehow, our discussion leads us to strange foods, such as mouldy cheeses and berries. If you know of anything even weirder than bones that can be used as food, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Dec 19, 2006..During this holy time of peace, giving and family, we bring to you tidings of great joy, and ask age-old questions about why angels have trees in their asses. And some other things. Then we discuss the pros and cons of the Santa Claus myth. If you want to ask T-bone how Sex was personified as a character during his upbringing, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then Luc reveals the frightening, sinister side of Santa who might stuff you into a big sack and carry you away. Are you scared, bitch? Sticking with the theme, in ETWTF we ask how one might explain Santa (or Ted) to aliens. Merry Tedmas, everyone!

Dec 13, 2006..We start this week with a question from a MySpace friend about the difference between Canadians and Americans. We've hypothesized a geographical "component". Say it with us: "component". Say it!! Very good. Next we debunk a Keith Urban Legend. Isn't that clever? Finally, in "Inventions and Shit" Luc lists his favourite three inventions: toilet paper (which happens to lead to a lot of poo talk ? unusual for our podcast), vulcanized rubber, and of course, quorn. If you represent the company in charge of mycoprotein and wish to pay us for our endorsement, or if you are Carol Channing and object to our impression, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Dec 7, 2006..Warren starts us off with another absurd urban legend, this time featuring Scooby Doo. John ends up inadvertently defending Warren's theory about the creative process behind character design, and T-Bone ends up believing the whole shit-story. Then Warren lists his three favourite inventions: insect repellent (for keeping malaria away), houses (a modern, prairie cave for keeping your plasma TV screen dry), and religion (either for making bad people good, or good people bad, depending on your perspective). If you are religious or irreligious and want to complain about our trivial treatment of this subject, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Nov 29, 2006..If you've ever wondered how we generate episode titles, this week we provide a clue. In "Inventions and Shit", T-bone lists his choices for the three best inventions of all time: mustard, Listerine, and the subwoofer. Then Luc treads dangerously, and will need to send his missus lots of flowers. If you are Ukrainian, and want to complain about T-bone's mustardy perogies, email us as well. In ETWTF, we try to explain sodomy to aliens. "Oops ? I'm a sodomite!" If you are an alien and can use your vast quantity of anal probing research to explain things to us, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Nov 22, 2006..For all of you searching for enlightenment about Runescape or Pamela Anderson's dink, you've been had. Hey, if you're feeling bad about this, at least you're not CENSORED, wearing a CENSORED because you broke your CENSORED. If you don't understand our censorship, please refer to Episode Waxorama. We understand that inside jokes work poorly in a podcast, but we figure that our show is bad enough that it doesn't really matter. In "Inventions and Shit", John lists his three favourite inventions of all time. Strangely, the butt-cork wasn't on his list. Surprised? Email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). We leave you with some sage words: if you leave a little lube, it always comes back to you. One more thing: neopets.

Nov 16, 2006..The first thing we learn is why John's nuts freeze before the rest of his "mid-section". Mid-section: n., the "mid" part of your body (WWC, 2006). Then in the Nature Walk, we present the latest, current, "this" episode of "Who's that bird?" Learn all about the donkey-stalking winged terrors of New Zealand, the toothed waddling goose-road bird, and the "almost as tiny as John's penis" quarter-sized, gray furry bird with antennae. Imagine how easy it was to pick a winner from those choices! Email us your complaints about this week's show, because we know there's plenty to complain about (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Nov 8, 2006..In this week's ETWTF, we try (with very little success) to explain Marilyn Manson to aliens. If you are Marilyn Manson, and care to clear up the confusion about your ball-mask and tits, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). Then, in Inventions and Shit, Warren proposes developing a pissgauge. We never fully decide whether this is a good idea, but it leads to a lot of intriguing discussion on piss. Go figure! Finally, we consider the lengths to which some people will go to prepare for the inevitable clean-up following a masturbatory session.

Nov 1, 2006..We start by reaching deep into the mail sack. Actually, this is a response to a comment on our MySpace page from our monotarded friend (no offence, Karm). If you want us to talk about your own question, but not necessarily answer it, email us (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). In Dictionary Plus, we discuss Reuter's euphemistic phrase, "oedipal expletive". They're a bunch of smart mother-fuckers over at Reuter's, eh? One more thing: Warren and John are ridiculous nerds. If it's not already apparent, we provide the final proof. (Pazam!)

Oct 25, 2006..We begin with the first ever ETWTF segment, in which we try to explain strange human habits to an alien visitor. John's clever (believe it or not) approach might obviate the need for any future ETWTF segments. In our Nature Walk, Warren asks whether and which other animals would benefit from Tigger's bouncy tail. Yes, we're tackling all the important issues here at limited appeal. In case you've already considered this important problem and want to add to our suggestions, let us know via email at maskedman@limitedappeal.net.

Oct 19, 2006..This week's first segment is "Polish the Bishop", in which Warren asks us to interpret the euphemism, "Putting up the birdhouse". If you're an insulted pornostar, send us your complaint at maskedman@limitedappeal.net. In the "Superhero's Phone Booth", we reveal the complex repercussions of peer pressure in the superhero society. Not our best segment, but we felt pressured to put something out, because everyone else was doing it.

Oct 10, 2006..For the 2nd consecutive week, we find our mail sack is brimming with mail. This time we read genuine hate mail from a certain shit-throwing gorilla. If you have hate mail for us, please send it to maskedman@limitedappeal.net. In "Foody Goody", we discuss how one might protect his burger from thieves. Finally, in "Polish the Bishop", we try to devise the true meaning behind clever euphemisms. This week's euphemism is "Colonel it up". T-Bone's explanation is guaranteed to make this phrase a common feature in everyone's vocabulary, especially at fancy dinner parties, bitches.

Oct 4, 2006..We start the episode by digging into our mail sack, where we find our sexy voice girl has left a note. John fantasizes about how cool it would be if she were a bum. If you would like us to imagine YOU were a bum, send us an email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). In this week's "Nature Walk", we present the 4th episode of "Who's That Bird?", and try to interpret an unusual bird call with even less success than usual. Can you say "big, orange penguin-like bird with an elephant trunk"? I didn't think so. But even if you can't say that, I'll bet your guess on "Who's That Bird" will be better than any of ours.

Sep 26, 2006..We start this week by contemplating the likely pets of each of the other hosts. If you have any suggestions of pets that would be well suited for one or more of us, let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net). In our "Nature Walk", John asks what the difference is between hair and fur. The answer may not be as straightforward as you think. What about sheep? What about teddy bears? Would YOU want a fur coat made of pubic fur?

Sep 21, 2006..We attempt to try to solve the world's problem with oil dependency in this week's Pooh Corner. In a short time, we manage to come up with 2 brilliant solutions. Why don't world leaders consult us? If you are a world leader, feel free to consult us via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. In the Superhero's Phone Booth, we meet Denial Man. He may not defeat the shit-throwing gorilla, but he won't admit it. He's a complex figure. See if you can follow Warren's twisted logic and figure out who Denial man really is.

Sep 15, 2006..We start this week by imagining what would happen if everyone all over the world punched somebody. Wouldn't that be great for some of us? But not for CENSORED. He would be a bloody mess. Then we introduce a new segment: Your Body and You. Are you as excited as we are? Wait till you learn all about earwax, and what distinguishes it from snot. Don't you think that snot would be a better bodily fluid for your ears than wax? Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net).

Sep 7, 2006..We start the second half of our face-to-face recording with a Sportage discussion of golf terms. If you're Scottish or gay or both and wish to send us hatemail, our email address is maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Then T-Bone initiates revelations about some of our traumatic ornithological memories. Finally, we learn how to tell whether a snail that is not moving is sleeping or dead. And maybe some other things about snail eating, and browser addresses ? I don't know because I was too bored by John's explanation. Listen and find out for yourself if you dare!

Aug 31, 2006..This week we present part one of our first ever face-to-face recording from T-Bone's studio. Let us know via email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) if you notice any difference. We start by going on a Nature Walk in the 3rd instalment of "Who's That Bird?", in which you can play along by guessing the appearance and demeanour of the New Zealand bird just by hearing its song. In the Superhero's phone booth, we meet Concentration Boy. Evildoers, beware his ultra focus! Our Urban Legend segment explores the etymology of the term Urban Legend. Believe it! (Or not.)

Aug 24, 2006..This week Luc gets a bit irate, old-man style, about trendy new names for colours. Everyone else disagrees. In Inventions and Shit, we come up with a brilliant novelty item that is sure to generate millions. Ambitious inventors (or rock bands) should contact us by email (maskedman@limitedappeal.net) to obtain our logo for the corner of the toilet paper squares, and to offer us a cut of the profits. Also, please visit our myspace page!

Aug 18, 2006..We introduce a sexy-voice girl this week, who will help introduce some of the segments. What do you think? Let us know via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. We start this week's show with a discussion of Chicken Boo. He wears a disguise to look like human guys, but he's not a man, he's a chicken, boo! In Foody Goody, we debate the origin of cotton candy. Actually, we spend most of the time converting a cotton candy machine into an ass-cleaning implement.

Aug 11, 2006..This week's Urban Legend enlightens everyone on the offensive origin of the phrase "Bless you!" (pardon our French) as a response to sneezing. As usual, it's complete bullshit. In the Superhero's phone booth, we describe a fruity wonder who will quickly despatch the shit-eating gorilla. Although her superhero status is questioned by some of us, the one who writes the descriptions is convinced. What do you think? Let us know via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. Finally, in this week's Sportage, we connect the dots between Popeye and Tiger Woods. If you didn't think they were linked, you're in for a surprise.

Aug 1, 2006..This week's Nature Walk is the second episode in our series on New Zealand Birds. Play along as we infer the characteristics and temperaments of exotic birds using only their song. Who will win the grand prize: a reacharound? In Dictionary Plus, we discuss a new word for designating particularly loud farts. How the English language has been able to manage until now without this word, we don't know. If you have any theories, let us know via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net.

Jul 22, 2006..We start this week with Sportage and a discussion of the mismatch in colours between the Italian flag and soccer uniforms. Then our Urban Legend segment reveals the origin of toothpaste, which might make you appreciate the fact that you weren't born in ancient Egypt. Finally, in Pooh Corner, we ponder a rather simple proposal for resolving much of the tension in the world today. If you would like to support us in this endeavour, let us know via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net.

Jul 15, 2006..In an attempt to avoid being offensive, we pay tribute to possibly offended faecophiles in Foody Goody. What's wrong with eating poo? Let us know: maskedman@limitedappeal.net. In the superhero's phone booth, we issue an ultimatum (sort of) to Conan O'Brien. We think this will make him very nervous. Finally, we ask what would happen if everyone in the world jumped at the same time. Don't try this at home, everyone in the world ? who knows what could happen! Before you jump (or duck), follow our helpful instructions.

Jul 6, 2006..We welcome back T-bone for an indefinite period, and we're not blaming him specifically, but the resulting recording is rather offensive. If this episode doesn't get the hatemail (maskedman@limitedappeal.net), nothing will. We start with Pooh Corner, and solve the pressing problem of worldwide simultaneous pissing. It might not be a problem where you live, but trust us: it's a problem in some places. T-bone then continues his infatuation with mustard with an ode to wasabi. Next, who should choose the gender of a police officer that gives you a strip search: the searcher or the searchee? Finally, we come up with the definitive reason that fascism is bad. Offended fascists should email their dissent.

Jun 25, 2006..Everything we talk about this week comes shooting out of someone's body. Isn't that a happy thought? In our increasingly popular "Urban Legend" segment, Warren explains how to properly prepare for peeing. His advice may sound far-fetched, but, well, it's true. In "Foody Goody", we ponder why cows, sheep, and goats are the mammals of choice for the world's milk supply, to the apparent exclusion of all kinds of mammals (and fish). Which milk would be best for your breakfast cereal? Tell us via email: maskedman@limitedappeal.net

Jun 18, 2006..In the spirit of the ongoing World Cup of Football, we discuss how to solve the problem of diving in soccer. Our solutions involve drastic changes to the sport, but we think it would be a considerable improvement. (If you disagree, let us know: maskedman@limitedappeal.net) Then, in a brand new segment, John and Warren try to guess a bird's appearance and temperament by listening to its song. Play along and see if you can match the bird species with the audio clip!

Jun 10, 2006..An extended episode this week, devoted to a special edition of Pooh Corner, in which we attempt to discover what evidence would prove or disprove the existence of god (or God). If you are expecting something sober and intelligent, you clearly haven't been paying attention to the rest of our podcasts. "Whoopie ti-yi-yo/ Oh happy Magellan/ Starting your journey/ With hardly a care?"

Jun 1, 2006..After a month long hiatus in recording while Luc was in New Zealand, we return with a minor vengeance. Just don't expect too much, enh? We begin with a brand new segment called "Urban Legend", which is guaranteed to contain even less truth than the rest of our discussions. In our first iteration, Warren explains who is most at risk of a shark attack. During our "Punchmack" segment, Hoss writes us about our undoubtedly rapidly shrinking fan club, and suggests a new topic for discussion: reality shows we would like that have not yet been developed. Unfortunately, we drop the ball here, and Hoss may never know the complete answer. Sigh.

May 24, 2006..This week we offer slightly more than usual. Our inaugural segment of Dictionary Plus deals with the phrase "needless to say". Perhaps we needn't have bothered to say anything about it, but we do aim for more than is needed: what is needed...plus. We also feature our first "Sportage" segment, in which we propose alternate uniforms (uniforms plus) for denoting specific members of sports teams. Finally, in our "Foody Goody" segment, we vacillate wildly on whether or not gum is food. If you think you know the answer, allow us to persuade you that there are at least two (two plus) equally ridiculous points of view, at least one of which (one plus) you might not have considered.

May 17, 2006..We've assembled some bits that were excluded from previous episodes into a new, surprisingly cohesive package (well, no less cohesive than other episodes). We discuss one aspect of Luc's unusual physiology, why flying saucers might be round, and in our Nature Walk segment, what would happen if humans were semelparous, having a single reproductive season before a massive and collective round of death. Like salmon. Nice, huh?

May 10, 2006..This week we try to use profanity in every sentence of the show, with mixed success. This devolves into a pretty unimpressive and repetitive exercise, but that's no worse than our average episode, is it? We start by debating the nature of profanity. We eventually move on to the superhero's phone booth, this time inhabited by a gorilla with an unusual gift (as long as he can control it). In our Nature Walk segment, we try to discuss inappropriate animal behaviour, but John derails the conversation very quickly when he tries to introduce new profanities.

May 2, 2006..Still more foody for your goody. Which kind of animal trimmings are the best? We reveal the long-sought answer in this week's episode. In our first "Sportage" segment, we discuss how Memphis managed to upset Oral Roberts. A long, complicated, story...

Apr 23, 2006..More foody for your goody. We give credit where it's due to the fearless nation of deep-frying innovation (copyright for that catchy phrase is pending, after which t-shirt production will begin in earnest). Then we start whacky cross-overs between segments, with foody-goody morphing into inventions and shit, and even into a new segment, as-yet unperformed, the "word zone". Finally, we have mail! Hypoglycemia Gurl (or possibly Hairy Gorilla) punches our mail sack.

Apr 9, 2006..As you can see, we have moved to episode shapes instead of numbers, for obvious reasons. In this week's "Nature Walk", we discuss animal halitosis. Then we discuss which country has the best flag. In our inaugural "Foody Goody" segment, we promote the expansion of preservation methods. Is jerkifying a word? If it is, it probably doesn?t mean what you think it does.

Mar 27, 2006..1) "Punch Us in the Mail Sack": the bright side of having no email. 2) "Inventions and Shit": the Amplifarter. 'Nuff said. 3) "Nature Walk": the hexagonal camouflage of giraffes. We're very, very tired.

Mar 17, 2006..4-way conversation continued (with guest-host T-bone), along with some of the audio problems. To make up for this, we inaugurate a new segment dedicated to solving important world problems, appropriately titled "Pooh Corner". If that's not enough, we determine the essence of accordions, and in our "Nature Walk" segment, John gets a bit squirrelly talking about hibernation.

Mar 9, 2006..Another Limited Appeal first, we have a 4-way conversation this week, including T-bone who revisits as a guest host for the second consecutive episode. This caused a few audio problems, so we probably won?t try it again soon, but the content was too good to dump, especially because the audio problems were frustrating and generated an even angrier than usual John. Segments this week include a nearly invincible superhero, "Punch Us in the Mail Sack" and "Inventions and Shit".

Mar 3, 2006..In a first for Limited Appeal, this week T-bone sits in for John as a guest host. He proposes a new Olympic event that combines 2 unrelated activities, either in addition to or to substitute for the biathlon. Then we reveal which type of luggage is best for storing condiments, and how to tell when you have run out of mustard. In this week?s "Nature Walk" segment, we discuss animals that might have a military predisposition.

Feb 20, 2006..Episode 5 starts off with our first Mailbag segment, where we discuss feedback from listeners. Then we speculate on the age-old question "what if smurfs were real?" And finally, we discuss a cone of silence during our first "Inventions and Shit" segment.

Feb 12, 2006..Episode 4's topics include a Nature Walk segment focusing on animal-human hybrids, and an indepth discussion on firefighters' helmets.

Feb 4, 2006..Episode 3's topics include discovering alien intelligent life, a Nature Walk segment discussing the domestication of wild animals, and cool ways of dying.

Jan 29, 2006..Episode 2 begins with a discussion about a super-clean superhero. Then the focus shifts to the origins of candy canes. And finally, our first ever Nature Walk segment is an intriguing discussion of extinction of cockroaches.

Jan 18, 2006..Our inaugural podcast! We discuss the pros and cons of having tails, as well as a discussion on our current citrus counts.